Back to You
by jimmyschick
Summary: A set of circumstances will force Kim and Jimmy together. Will they find a way back to each other, or will their fears keep them apart? This is my first fic, so let me know what you think.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Back to You- chapter 1 Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Third Watch. Honest.  
  
Another excruciating shift for the Camelot crew came to an end. Everyone in the 55 was relatively quiet, which usually meant one thing. Someone had died. The fire station was normally upbeat and in good spirits even on some of the hardest days, but today, spirits were broken  
  
Kim sat on her bed, thinking about the last couple of hours they had spent trying to save lives. At first, the call seemed like your everyday, run-of- the-mill fire, and for the most part it was. The fire spread quickly and they were able to save everyone but a 5 year old boy. Jonathan.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Jimmy was still in his fire gear, minus the hat, sitting outside on a bench. Every time he heard those sirens go off, the sign that they were off to fight a fire, he had some sense of excitement. Of course he hoped that everyone would be safe and they would be able to save all the victims, but there was a certain rush, a sense of pride that he still got, thinking about what was ahead. Most times the worst thing to happen was smoke inhalation or minor wounds, calming down the scared victims. Not tonight though. Every person that had been trapped in that building had been rescued. All except one civilian, his civilian. A little boy named Jonathan. The boy had been so scared, but so relieved to see Jimmy coming to his rescue. He had had such faith that the nice fireman was going to save him. In a moment, that faith was quashed.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Alex made her way up to the sleeping quarters. That's where she figured she'd find Kim. Whenever there was a child involved, it was always hard for everyone, but especially Kim. It was as if she could see her own child in their place. Alex spotted Kim sitting on her bed, leaning on her knees, staring at the floor. She had seen Jimmy a few minutes ago, and he looked no better.  
  
Alex gently sat next to Kim and put a hand on her shoulder, causing Kim to jump. "Sorry to scare you. I guess I should have stomped or yodeled or something."  
  
Kim smiled, "Yodel? Alex, are you not telling me about some hidden talent?"  
  
Alex smirked, "Well, you know. I'm very mysterious." She became serious again. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. It was a pretty rough night out there."  
  
"All things considered, I say I'm having a better night than Jonathan," she tried to smile, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
Alex sighed, "Kim, there was nothing we could do. The fire was out of control and there was no way to save him. Believe me, Jimmy did everything in his power to try."  
  
Kim looked at Alex through her misty eyes, "Jimmy? I thought D.K. was the one who went in there after him?"  
  
"He started to, but heard someone else calling for help. Jimmy went back and tried to get to Jonathan."  
  
"What happened?" Kim asked with concern, "I never even saw him come out. I figured he was someplace else. Is he alright?" Kim felt the panic rising in her chest. 'Please don't have let anything happen to Jimmy.'  
  
Alex immediately set her fears at ease, "He's fine. He got a little banged up and inhaled a little too much smoke, but such is the hazard of the job. He's fine Kim," she soothed. "I did see him sitting out in the front though. He looks pretty down. A couple of us tried to talk to him, but he didn't say much."  
  
There was always a huge part of Kim that still always worried, and cared about Jimmy. She tried to convince herself she cared because of Joey. She didn't want him to have to grow up without a father, but there was more to it than that. Not that she would ever admit anyway. She wiped her eyes and put her hair behind her ears, trying to compose herself, "He hasn't come in at all?" she asked.  
  
Alex shook her head, "Hasn't moved from that spot since we got back." Alex and Kim had become very close friends as a result of riding together in the bus. She knew that Kim still had strong feelings for Jimmy despite all the crap they'd been through. "Maybe he would talk to you," Alex suggested quietly, giving Kim the push she was trying to give herself.  
  
Kim glanced at Alex and laughed nervously, "Not likely. He never talked to me when we were married. Why would he talk to me now?"  
  
"That's not true. He does talk to you."  
  
Kim sighed, "Yeah he talks to me. He talks to me and acts like nothing ever gets to him. Like he's got everything under control. Like it's something he'll wake up and forget about in the morning."  
  
Alex smiled, "Look, all I know is he needs someone to be there for him right now, and you know you want to be the one who does it." Kim gave her a dirty look and she laughed, "Don't look at me like that! You know I'm right."  
  
"It's not my job to make sure he's ok, anymore. It used to be, but it's not anymore. He doesn't need me to go out there and coddle him. He'd think I was pathetic."  
  
Alex smiled, "Who are you trying to convince?" Kim cast her eyes down to her hands. " It is your job to make sure he's alright, because you care about him. There's nothing wrong with that."  
  
Kim stood up reluctantly and walked to the door, "Yeah, well, if he laughs in my face, I'm coming after you," she shot behind her.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim spotted Jimmy sitting on a bench in the front, still decked out in fire duds. From behind it looked like he was a statue; he was completely still. Kim moved over to him slowly to stand beside him. "Hey," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy slowly looked up and gave her a small smile. His eyes and nose were red from crying, and he nervously played with his hands. "Hey."  
  
"Mind if I sit next to you?" she asked.  
  
Jimmy scooted over without saying anything. They sat together for a while, listening to the sounds of the night life in New York. " So, who sent you out here? D.K.? Alex? The chief?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"No one sent me out here Jimmy. I wanted to see if you were ok," she answered, taken aback by his question.  
  
"Like I told the last three people that coincidentally came out here to 'make sure I was ok', I'm fine," he snapped out.  
  
Kim laughed disgustedly, " You know what, I'm sorry I came out here! I didn't mean to disturb your brooding. I'll leave you alone." She stood quickly and began to walk away.  
  
Jimmy sighed and dropped his head, "Kim, I'm sorry," he raised his eyes to her back, "I didn't mean to snap at you."  
  
Kim turned around and looked at him, "Look, I understand if you don't wanna talk. I'll just leave you alone," she began to walk away again.  
  
"Don't go," he pleaded.  
  
Kim turned around again and walked back to stand next to him. He reached out his hand and took hers, "Please? Sit with me?" he asked softly.  
  
Kim sat next to him, trying to ignore the fact that he was still holing her hand, playing with her fingers. "Do you wanna talk about what happened?" she asked softly.  
  
Jimmy stared at her fingers, not able to meet her gaze, "It was my fault," he stated.  
  
Kim frowned and put her free hand under his chin, forcing him to look at her, "What are you talking about? None of what happened was your fault."  
  
Jimmy's eyes filled with tears again, "I wasn't the one who was supposed to go after him. D.K. was supposed to go get him. Maybe if he had, Jonathan would still be alive. I killed him Kim," he whispered brokenly, still gripping her hand in his.  
  
Kim scooted closer to him, "Jimmy, you know that's not true. You can't save everyone. You know that. Sometimes things happen that you have no control over. You did your best."  
  
" I saw the way you were looking at that building, thinking about that little boy who was burning alive. I know you were thinking about Joey, how someone's little Joey was dying inside," he choked out, struggling not to cry. " You know, he looked like Joey when he was 5. Dark hair, dark eyes, looking at me like I was going to save him, like he could trust me. I know that look, and I know the look he gave me when he knew I was letting him down, that I was going to leave him in there to die. I see that look whenever I disappoint Joey, whenever I disappoint you." Jimmy rubbed his fingers over her hand hard and nervously, not even realizing he was holding her hand.  
  
Kim had tears streaming down her face. She hated to see him in so much pain, it made her heart want to break. She took her free hand and cupped his cheek, " Jimmy, I know you did everything you could do and so did that little boy-"  
  
Jimmy laughed out, but it sounded more like a sob, "No he didn't. All he knew was that I let him go, that I gave up on him, that I left him in there to die so that I wouldn't. A 5 year old boy, Kim! I just left him there!" A tear finally fell from his eye.  
  
"Killing yourself wouldn't have helped save him any. You did all that you could do and you had to get out of there. Dying wouldn't have helped," she choked out past her tears.  
  
Jimmy stayed silent for a while, continuing to play with her hand. He finally looked at her and gave her a sad smile, "No, but he wouldn't have died alone."  
  
Kim didn't know what to say to that. Was he actually wishing he had died with that little boy so he wouldn't be alone? What could she say to that?  
  
Jimmy cleared his throat and looked around, suddenly realizing that he was holding Kim's hand and it was a dark red from the fierce rubbing he had done to it, "God, Kim, why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" he tried to soothe away the redness by blowing on it.  
  
Kim smiled and wiped away her tears with her free hand, "I didn't even notice."  
  
Jimmy looked at her and wiped away a stray tear that was falling down her cheek. He loved the feel of her skin, which probably explained the mad grip he had on her hand. She turned her head into his palm and nuzzled against it. He smiled gently and brushed a strand of hair away from her face.  
  
Reluctantly he pulled his hands away from her, trying to ignore the urge to grab her in his arms and take comfort in her. Even after all the time that had passed and all the bad things that had transpired between them, she was still the only person that was able to make the pain go away.  
  
Kim smiled at the intent look he was unconsciously giving her. He was obviously thinking about something important. She slipped her hand back into his, catching his attention and smiling, "There you are."  
  
Jimmy laughed softly, "Sorry. Lost in thought."  
  
"Anything you wanna share?"  
  
"I think I've done enough sharing for your lifetime," he chuckled.  
  
Kim smiled, "Well, I hope it helped."  
  
Jimmy smiled, "It did."  
  
"Why don't you come inside and get something to eat? It's been a long day and we haven't had much time to eat."  
  
Jimmy smiled, "Naw, I'm good. You go ahead though. I'm gonna stay out here for a while longer," he turned his head and looked away, not wanting her to see that he wanted her to stay. He felt her move and his heart sunk, knowing he was about to be alone. He could feel the pain seeping in again.  
  
Suddenly he felt her move closer to him, tucking her arm around his, and he turned to look at her. She gazed at him steadily and smiled gently, "Ok," she whispered, making it clear that she wasn't about to go anywhere. He looked at her in surprise, but smiled back. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he could no longer resist, so he untangled their arms and wrapped his around her body. She leaned into his body, snuggling up to him, offering her warmth and comfort, both physical and emotional. He said a silent prayer of thanks that she was still in his life and kissed her gently on the head.  
  
Kim knew that she would probably end up with all the mixed up emotions and feelings that she usually got when they had a nice moment like this, but for now, she just wanted to sit with him and offer him whatever kind of comfort she could. She wouldn't leave his side. Not until he was ready.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
The next day went by fast for Kim. Too fast. She had sat with Jimmy last night for nearly an hour, talking about nonsense, just holding each other. He had driven her to pick up Joey at her mom's house, and taken them both home. When she turned to say goodnight to him at her door, he didn't say anything, but took her hand in his and kissed it. Of course she couldn't sleep after all this, and was over analyzing what had happened between them that night, tossing and turning until the early morning hours. At one point, she even considered calling him, and talking to him, but luckily she thought about the stupidity of that plan and talked herself out of it.  
  
She had managed to avoid him at the station, and hadn't had any calls with him so far, but it was inevitable. She would have to see him sometime. There wasn't a day that went by she didn't. She could never figure out if that was a good thing or not. Walking away from him and crushing his life had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, but in reality, he had left her first. The first year after their divorce was unbelievably hard and awkward. They still continued to see each other on a daily basis at work, and also in trying to work out a schedule with Joey. The first couple of months, he had tried to get her back; calling her, and coming to see her at home. There was a huge part of her that wanted to go back, but then the thought of him with her sister pounded into her head and gave her the resolve to resist, although not the resolve to not sleep with him a few times. Hey, who could blame her, he was really hot! The second year was more comfortable. It was still really obvious he wanted to be with her, but he never actually said anything, just flirted mercilessly. He did mention getting back together with her once again, but he was engaged, and there was no where for them to go. After Bobby died, things got really bad. She tried to kill herself, and they broke into a huge custody war for Joey. That was probably one of the scariest times in her life. All she had left was her son, and he wanted to take that away. Luckily, he dropped the battle; he would have won. Things had become comfortable again, seeing each other at work and when they switched off with Joey. Last night was the first time they had been close to each other in a long time. Hence the obsessing. Nothing sexual had passed between them; he hadn't made any suggestions and she hadn't encouraged him. Really it was nothing, nothing to worry about. So they had sat together for a while last night. So she had been there for him. It didn't mean anything except that they cared for one another in a completely plutonic way. Right?  
  
"You look like you're having some really deep thoughts over there. Care to share?" smirked Alex.  
  
Kim snapped out of her daze, "No. I'm good. I'm just tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." Kim caught the smirk and raising of eyebrows, "What?" she growled out, giving Alex a menacing look.  
  
"Nothing," she gave her an innocent look. They sat in silence for a while. "So, did something happen with Jimmy last night," she asked casually.  
  
"Oh give me a break! I say I didn't get any sleep last night and you assume I shacked up with my upset ex-husband? Nice, Alex. Good to know what you think of me," she folded her arms against her chest, and turned towards the window, away from her, reminiscent of a 2 year old.  
  
Alex just laughed. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just I saw you together last night, and I saw you leave together, so I thought-"  
  
"Yeah, we all know what you thought," groused Kim, chuckling a little at Alex's hysterics. They both calmed, and she continued, "Really though, nothing happened. He was really hurting, and I wanted to be there for him. That's all. He drove me to get Joey at my mom's and then drove us home. End of story."  
  
Alex nodded her head, "It was really great how you were there for him. He wouldn't really talk to anyone else and we were getting worried. Having someone die on your watch is always hard."  
  
"He didn't really go in to what happened up there, but he does blame himself."  
  
"We all know he did everything he could to save that kid. There was nothing more he could have done without killing himself.  
  
"It almost sounded like he would rather have had that happen than to have to leave him up there." Kim paused, took a breath, and went on, "Do you know why he wasn't able to bring him out?"  
  
Alex sighed, thinking about the little boy, "The kid was in the corner of the room, crying, and too scared to move. The fire kept getting closer and closer to the room, and by the time Jimmy got up there, it was almost to the door. He went in the room, grabbed the kid and tried to move out the door. Something exploded and caused him to drop the kid and fly a couple of feet. Before he had a chance to get to him again, the ceiling gave way and made it so the kid was trapped. There was no way for Jimmy to get to him, things were burning too fast. He yelled for help and D.K. found him trying to get back into the room. The kid was screaming and crying, and Jimmy was trying, but all he was doing was hurting himself. He was trying to pull away some of the debris, but it was engulfed in flames. D.K. finally had to pull Jimmy away so they could get out before the whole building collapsed."  
  
Kim could feel the tears in her eyes, "Where the hell was I when all this was happening?" She felt so guilty that she hadn't even known Jimmy was in the building, risking his life.  
  
"Hey. Don't do that to yourself. You were helping one of the victims," Alex could see that Kim was blaming herself.  
  
"I should have known he was in there. I should have helped him or something."  
  
"Kim, there was nothing you or any of the firefighters could have done. It would have just put you in danger."  
  
"I can't even imagine what that was like for Jimmy. I mean, I knew he was upset, but I had no idea."  
  
They pulled up into the station and got out. "You helped him a lot last night. If he had gone home last night like he was, who knows what he would have done." Alex gently grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eye, "You did help him. Being there for him was the best thing you could have done."  
  
Kim smiled and wiped away her tears, "Thanks."  
  
Alex gave her a hug, "Now come on. I think I've been enough of a girl today with all the touchy-feely. Let's go get something to eat."  
  
Kim laughed, "You go ahead. I'm gonna clean out the bus. I'll catch up in a few minutes."  
  
"Alright." Kim sat and watched Alex walk away. She had had no idea how horrible that night had been for Jimmy. No wonder he felt so bad. She pulled herself out of her thoughts and started on cleaning the bus. She was going over her med bag when someone pinched her sides, causing her to scream. Jimmy laughed and grabbed her waist so she wouldn't fall, "Did I scare you?" he whispered in her ear in his "creepy guy" voice.  
  
Kim yanked herself away and whirled around, narrowing her eyes at him, "I could have done some serious damage to you, you jerk!" she threatened.  
  
"Oh yeah, tough girl. I'm really scared," he laughed.  
  
She couldn't help but laugh with him. Jimmy calmed himself and looked at her, "I realized today that I never thanked you for last night."  
  
Kim smiled, "You make it sound so sleazy."  
  
Jimmy chuckled, "Seriously. I was a mess last night, and you were really amazing."  
  
Kim blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; nervous habit, "Well, it was nothing. I'm just glad you're ok."  
  
Jimmy moved a little closer to her. He noticed he was making her nervous, but he wanted her to know he really appreciated her concern. Besides she was really cute when she was nervous. "You're always there for me, even though I don't deserve it."  
  
Kim smiled, suddenly not so nervous, "Yeah, well, I am pretty amazing."  
  
Jimmy laughed, "Yes you are. Well, I wanted to say thank you. I really needed someone and you were there, so. thanks."  
  
"You're welcome," she smiled, turning around to finish her task.  
  
"Hey, I was wondering if you were busy tonight?"  
  
Kim turned to face him, "No, not really. I was just gonna go over to my mom's to get Joey. Why?"  
  
"I was wondering if you wanted to grab something to eat," Jimmy tried to gauge the reaction on her face, but she seemed ok, just a little surprised.  
  
Kim's first instinct was to say no. Dinner was never just dinner with Jimmy. Things always seemed to get carried away, and then she'd wake up the next morning in his bed, trying to figure out how this had happened and how she was going to escape without waking him up. Jimmy could see her hesitate, "Just dinner, I swear. I won't try anything funny," he raised his hand in a scout's honor.  
  
"I could eat," Kim smiled, wanting to laugh at the shocked look on his face.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Refuse a free meal? I don't think so," she smiled.  
  
Jimmy laughed, "Ok, well, why don't you go and change, and I'll call your mom and ask if Joey can stay the night, so we won't have to wake him."  
  
"Sounds like a plan," Kim smiled and went go change. This was probably a really bad idea, but she was going to do it anyway. A girl has to eat.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Jimmy had taken Kim to a nice Mexican restaurant that wasn't far from her apartment. She was a little nervous at first. It had been a long time since the two of them went out and did something that didn't include jumping each other's bones. It was nice to just sit there and talk.  
  
Everything was going ok until Jimmy started to push his luck. "So, what do you have planned for tonight?" he teased her, making his usual innuendos.  
  
The night had been going so well, and he decided to start acting like an ass. "I find it really amazing that we stayed together as long as we did," Kim laughed, teasing back.  
  
Jimmy didn't find this funny. The reminder that he had screwed up and lost the best thing in his life was somewhat of a bad memory for him. "Why do you say that?" Jimmy asked with a plastered smile on his face.  
  
Kim looked at him, still not seeing his façade, "Oh, come on. Don't you ever think about it? When you say things like that, I'm always amazed that we actually got together. Remind me, did I actually go for a line like that?" she laughed.  
  
Jimmy felt a rise of hurt inside him, and he didn't know why. They teased each other like this all the time, but for some reason it wasn't funny tonight. Kim saw the frown on his face and calmed, "What?"  
  
"What do you think you were to me, Kim?" he asked, trying to keep a lid on the raging emotions that were inside him.  
  
Kim just stared at him, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You heard me. What do you think you were to me, meant to me? Just some random piece of ass that I happened to waste a few years on? Because that's how you're making it sound?"  
  
Kim sat back, reeling from his statement. Where was this sudden mood coming from? "What the hell are you getting all bent out of shape for? What do you care what I think you thought of me or our marriage?"  
  
"Is that how you feel? Like you wasted a few years of your life on me. Is that how you think about our time together?" he continued, his head screaming for him to stop, but his heart in to much pain to.  
  
"No. I don't think of the time we were together as a waste. You gave me a beautiful son, and I could never regret that. He's the most important thing in my life," she stated coolly, trying not let her emotions get out of hand.  
  
"So Joey's the only good thing that we ever had?" Jimmy knew he was pushing Kim, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.  
  
That was the breaking point, "What the hell are you trying to get me to say? That when we were together everything was perfect and I wish we could go back there again?! What do you want from me?" she violently whispered, not wanting to start an all out scream-fest in the restaurant.  
  
"You always make it sound like I never even cared about you. You always make it sound like what we had meant nothing to you," he bit back.  
  
"No, Jimmy. It meant nothing to you. You cheated on me with my sister, my own freaking sister, and never even told me! I had to find out myself. Don't you ever blame your screw ups on me. You were the one who ruined us. You were the one who broke up our family!" Kim yelled, not caring who heard her.  
  
"You were the one who left me, Kim! I begged you not to go. I tried to get you back!"  
  
"For what? So I could be sloppy seconds? So I could come back and always wonder if were thinking of her or still seeing her? Hell, for all I know you probably slept with a whole bunch of other girls and I was just too stupid to see it!" Kim felt the tears streaming down her face.  
  
Jimmy looked around at the people who were pretending they weren't listening to every word they were saying. He looked back at Kim, ready to fight back about that last comment, when he saw her eyes. She hadn't looked that upset and hurt by him since the day she walked away. "Kim, I'm sor-"  
  
She wouldn't let him finish, "How can you expect me to think about us in any good way when you did everything you could to make sure I knew you didn't love me. We even slept together after we broke up, and do you know why? Because it didn't mean a damn thing to either one of us," she choked out and got up to leave.  
  
Jimmy stood and grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at him, "Kim, please don't leave like this."  
  
She pulled her arm away, but turned to look at him when he followed her out the door, "Leave me alone." She began walking in the direction of home.  
  
Jimmy made another grab for her arm, "At least let me drive you home. It's late."  
  
Kim once again yanked her arm away, "I don't want you near me," she looked at him, close to tears again. She walked away, unable to be with him anymore.  
  
"So what? You're just gonna leave me again," he called after her, desperate to get her to come back.  
  
She turned around and looked at him sadly, "You left me first." He watched her walk away until she rounded the corner and he could no longer see her.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim was in a daze all the way home. What had just happened. One minute they were having a good time talking, the next he started attacking her with words. Lost in thought, Kim didn't see the man that was standing out in front of her building. She nearly ran into him, going in to her apartment building. "Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention."  
  
"You are a really pretty lady, you know that?" the man asked.  
  
Kim looked at him and scanned his appearance, something was off about the guy. He was wearing blue jeans, a leather jacket, and a watchman's cap. He looked relatively calm and laid back. "Um, thanks. Would you excuse me?"  
  
"You live here?" he asked, looking up at the building.  
  
Kim was really starting to feel uncomfortable, "Look, I really need to get inside."  
  
"Maybe you could use some company tonight. Pretty girl like you shouldn't go to waste," he whispered, stroking her cheek.  
  
Kim pushed him away from her, "Don't touch me, you sicko!"  
  
Before she could think the man had her arm twisted behind her and a hand around her mouth, "Ooo, and she has attitude. I like that in a woman."  
  
He was dragging her around the corner to an abandoned alley. Kim tried to fight him, but he was way to strong for her. 'Oh God, he gonna kill me,' Kim thought. The thought made her struggle harder, but felt something sharp pierce her side. The man held a bloody knife in front of her, "Keep that up missy, and we won't be able to have any fun."  
  
Kim was feeling faint and the man pushed her to the ground. She tried to get up, but she was really dizzy and her vision was becoming more and more blurry. The man started kicking her; in the ribs, the stomach, back, anywhere he felt like it. She heard bones crunching and felt herself getting damp with her own blood. He was now beating her face, she tried to fight back, but she was so weak. Finally he stopped, but she felt his hand go to the zipper on her pants, "This is my favorite part, cutie," he laughed. Kim knew she was dead. 'I love you so much, Joey. Jimmy, please take good care of him for me. Take good care of yourself too. I'm sorry we never got a chance to work things out. I love you, Jimmy.' Those were the last thoughts Kim had before she blacked out. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Back to You- chapter 2 Disclaimer: I really, really wish I owned Third Watch. But I don't. Thought you should know.  
  
Jimmy laid in bed, playing the night over and over in his mind. He was nervous about seeing Kim tomorrow. All night, he tossed and turned, berating himself for acting like such an ass. She hadn't deserved those things he had said, and everything she had said was right. He had hurt her more than he cared to think about, and he knew that. He was determined to apologize to her, first thing, even if she didn't wanna hear it. What was it she had said before, 'Why does it take you hours to decide to be decent?'  
  
A knock at the door tore him from his thoughts. He looked at the clock and it read 2:00. 'Who the hell is knocking at my door now?' A brief pang of nervousness hit him when he thought about Kim. Maybe it was her. Maybe she couldn't sleep either. He looked through the peephole and saw Faith and Bosco. He opened the door, "Hey guys. What's going on?" he opened the door wider so they could come in. Looking at their faces he knew something was really wrong. Oh god, Joey.  
  
"Maybe you should sit," Faith gently directed him to the nearest chair.  
  
"It's Joey, isn't it? Did something happen to Joey?" Jimmy asked in a panic.  
  
"No, no, Joey is fine. He's with your mom," Faith tried to calm him.  
  
"My mom? Why is he with her? He was staying at Kim's mom's," Jimmy asked confused. "Did something happen to Katherine?"  
  
Faith started to say something, but looked at Bosco for help. She couldn't tell him this. It was just too hard. Bosco nodded and sat in front of Jimmy. They had never gotten along, but this wasn't going to be easy for him either. " Around 11:00 we got a call about some noise in an alley. When we got there, there was a girl laying on the ground. We couldn't tell who she was because she was so badly beaten. We called the medics and Alex came." Bosco paused and took a breath, "Jimmy, the girl was Kim. She was beaten very badly."  
  
It felt like someone had sucked the air from his lungs. He couldn't breathe. Kim. Kim had been hurt. That was impossible, he had watched her walk away. Watched her disappear around the corner. She was supposed to be at home wishing all the evils of the world on him because of their fight. He still had to apologize to her. "Is she." he couldn't get the question out. Oh god, if she was dead.  
  
"She's in critical condition at Mercy. We can take you there right now if you're ready to go," Faith offered quietly.  
  
Jimmy stood quickly and slipped on his boots and a jacket, "Let's go"  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Jimmy entered the hospital and saw a few faces he knew. He saw Alex and Carlos sitting in chairs and he saw Kim's mother, pacing across the hospital floor. She saw him and ran over to him, collapsing in sobs, "Oh Jimmy, somebody hurt my baby," she cried.  
  
Jimmy held her and moved to sit in some chairs, "I know. She's gonna be ok though." He looked at the surrounding faces of his friends and looked for some reassurance. No one looked at him though. Jimmy passed Kim's mother over to Alex and pulled Carlos aside. "How bad was it?" he asked. Carlos fidgeted, and looked away, "Jimmy, you should really talk to a doctor."  
  
Jimmy grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer, forcing Bosco to pull him off, "Just tell him what he wants to know, Nieto," Bosco bit out.  
  
"There was a lot of blood. She has some broken bones and a lot of flesh wounds. She's on the operating table right now to fix some internal damage. She had a really bad concussion and wasn't responsive when we got there. She was nearly freezing because the asshole who did this to her took some of her clothes off and left her lying in the alley."  
  
Jimmy's vision was blurry because of the tears that threatened to spill over, "Was she raped?" he choked out.  
  
Carlos looked at Bosco and Bosco looked at Jimmy, "We think so, but we can't know until she wakes up and consents to a rape test." Bosco said softly.  
  
Jimmy pulled away from Bosco and returned to Katherine, "What did you tell Joey?" Jimmy asked gently.  
  
"I told him that mommy got hurt and I was gonna go and make sure she was ok. I told him you'd call him when we knew anything more. Your mom is staying with him at my place. He didn't wanna leave." Katherine struggled to speak.  
  
Jimmy nodded his head and sat back. There was nothing to do but wait.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
The doctor had finally emerged from the operating room, looking tired and worn. He made his way over to Jimmy and Katherine. "Mrs. Zambrano," the Doctor Mills called, causing Katherine to wake up. Jimmy followed her to see the doctor. "Is this your son?"  
  
"Son-in-law," Katherine answered without thinking. The doctor gave her a puzzled look. It didn't say anywhere that Kim had a husband.  
  
Jimmy was quick to clear his obvious confusion, "Ex son-in-law. Kim and I are divorced now."  
  
The doctor nodded, "Well, the surgery was very long, but we were able to stop all the internal bleeding. The most damage was done to her liver, but she should recover nicely. Additionally, she does have some broken ribs, a fractured wrist, some broken fingers, and a pretty bad stab wound."  
  
"Oh god," Katherine grabbed Jimmy's hand for support.  
  
Jimmy held on to her so she wouldn't fall, "Is she going to be ok, doctor?"  
  
"There was some mild swelling of the brain, but that seems to have gone down. It's all a matter of her waking up now. She's in a comatose state right now and longer she stays like that, the worse it is, but I have reason to believe she'll be ok. Right now all we can do is wait."  
  
"Can we see her?" Jimmy asked.  
  
"One of you can see her for a couple minutes. She needs her rest. A nurse will come and let you know when you have to leave."  
  
"Thank you doctor," said Jimmy. He turned to Katherine, "Why don't you go and see her?"  
  
Katherine paled, "I don't think I can. I don't think I can do it," she cried.  
  
Jimmy sat her down and tried to calm her. They were the only ones left, everyone else had headed home. "Katherine, she needs you to be there for her. She needs to know you're here," he tried to reason with her.  
  
Katherine stood when she saw her boyfriend coming towards her, They hugged and she turned to look at Jimmy, "Jimmy, this is Carl. Carl this is Kim's ex-husband. I called him when you were sleeping," she explained at Jimmy's look of surprise. The men shook hands.  
  
Katherine pulled Jimmy aside, "This is all just too much for me right now. She won't know I'm there anyways. I need to go home and calm down a bit and I'll come back first thing in the morning to see her. I'm no good to her now," Katherine tried to make him understand. She hugged him and told him to call if there was any change. Jimmy told her to bring Joey the next morning so he could see Kim.  
  
Jimmy watched her leave and shook his head. Her daughter really needed her and all she could think about was how hard this was for her. He called Joey to let him know Grandma was coming home and mommy was sleeping. Jimmy made his way into Kim's room and he let out a gasp. Nothing could have prepared him for how she looked. Her face was so bruised and swollen and she looked so small. Bruises seemed to cover her whole body. He felt the tears coming again. An older nurse came and stood by him, "You can talk to her if you'd like. It might help her to hear your voice," she said and left the room.  
  
His was probably the last voice that would bring her any comfort he wryly thought to himself, but he pulled up a chair next to her. He looked at her swollen face and wished to God that this had happened to him instead of her. The guilt was overwhelming. If he had just stopped pushing her. If he had just insisted to drive her home, none of this would have happened.  
  
He reached out and gently took her bruised and bandaged hand. He just sat there and stroked his thumb over her palm. He could no longer keep his tears in check, and let them run down his face. "Hey, Kimmy. It's me. They say that talking to you might help. I told them I was probably not the person for the job. Might make you stay asleep longer," he teased. "You have to wake up Kimmy. Joey is really worried about you. He really needs you. I need you," he admitted. "Please. Please, wake up for us." He continued to stroke her hand, but was quickly becoming tired. It was already 3:00 p.m. the next evening, and he hadn't slept for over 24 hours. The nurse came in to tell him that visiting hours were over, but he was already asleep, his head laying next to Kim's hand that he still held. The doctor told her to let him stay. 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Back to You- chapter 3 Disclaimer: Just a reminder that I own 0 characters from Third Watch. If I did, things would be very different there, and I'd be rollin' in dough! Author's note: Feedback is always welcome. Be gentle.=) (By the way, thanks to Freespirit127 for pointing out the bitch of a format. Hopefully this is better. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and cared enough to let me know they liked it.=)  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim had been asleep for 3 days now. Katherine brought Joey by every few hours to come visit his mom. Jimmy never left the hospital. He took his showers there and Faith and Bosco had brought him a duffel full of clothes. He was barely sleeping or eating, and was constantly at Kim's side. The doctors tried to get him to go home, friends too, but he wouldn't budge.  
  
The third night was coming to a close. Katherine had left with Joey a couple hours ago. Jimmy had dozed off when the on-call nurse came in to check on Kim. She was startled to see that Kim's eyes were open and looking at her. "Miss Zambrano, can you hear me?"  
  
Kim nodded her head, but squeezed her eyes shut at the wave of nausea that hit her. "I'll go get the doctor so he can explain things better," she turned to look at Jimmy and gently shook him awake, "Mr. Doherty," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy snapped awake, "What? Is she ok? What's going on?" Jimmy sat up and looked around in a haze.  
  
The nurse laughed, "She's fine. Actually, she's finally awake. I'm going to go get the doctor. Try and keep her awake, ok?"  
  
Jimmy moved close to the bed and saw Kim looking at him through her still swollen eyes. They were shiny with tears. She tried to say something, but nothing came out. For the first time he noticed the hand prints around her neck. This also brought tears to his eyes, but he was so happy to see her looking at him, "Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. Don't try to talk yet, just relax," he took her hand and kissed it.  
  
Tears started to roll down her face, and blur her vision, making it so she couldn't see him. Her limbs felt too heavy to lift, but she really wanted to see him. He must have read her mind because he reached his hand to her face and wiped away her tears, which only made her cry harder. Jimmy was crying too, "It's gonna be ok, I promise."  
  
The doctor came in with a big smile on his face, "So I hear Miss Zambrano is back in the land of the living," he reached over and took her pulse. He sat next to her on the bed, "Do you remember anything Kim?"  
  
"I don't think she can talk. She tried to say something earlier, but nothing came out," Jimmy explained to the doctor, still holding her hand.  
  
The doctor poured a glass of water and sat her up a bit, "Here. Try this. Your throat is probably mostly dry."  
  
Kim drank and winced when she swallowed, "Where's Joey," she rasped out in hardly more than a whisper.  
  
"He's with your mom right now. They were here earlier, but she took him home," Jimmy said. Seeing that this answer was not satisfactory to her he added, "He's ok, Kimmy. A little scared and worried, but ok."  
  
She closed her eyes and focused back on the doctor, "I remember being taken into an alley," she rasped, " and he started to beat me, but that's all."  
  
The doctor looked at Jimmy then back at Kim, "We think he might have assaulted you sexually and we need your permission to do a rape test," he said gently.  
  
Kim's eyes started to blur again and she looked at Jimmy in a panic, "Did he?" she asked him, starting to breathe hard.  
  
Jimmy held her hand tighter and stroked her hair, "I don't know baby, but they need to check. Will you let them do that?" he spoke calmly to her, though not feeling calm at all.  
  
Kim looked at him, seeing he was trying to be strong for her. She looked at the doctor, "I'll do it."  
  
The doctor nodded his head and exited the room, going to the supplies he needed. Kim eased up a little when he wasn't near her. She looked back a Jimmy, studying his features, "You look like shit," she stated matter-of- factly.  
  
Jimmy laughed, "Yeah well, not all of us have been catching up on our beauty rest."  
  
"Won't do any good. I probably look like a nightmare," she rasped.  
  
Jimmy's eyes filled with tears and he kissed her hand again, "You look beautiful." And he really meant that. Seeing her eyes open was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
  
The doctor came back and sat at the foot of the bed. "Ok. This shouldn't take long at all. We just need to take a few samples."  
  
"I'll just be outside, ok? I'll be back as soon as it's over," Jimmy kissed her forehead.  
  
Kim grabbed his hand, "No! Please don't leave," she begged in that raspy whisper that made his heart ache. Jimmy looked at the doctor, "Can I stay?"  
  
"If that's what she wants, that's fine."  
  
Jimmy sat back down and held Kim's hand. The doctor pulled the covers away and put a paper sheet over her lower half. "I'm just gonna take your underwear off now." He moved the hospital gown up and Kim started to shake, "No. Please stop," Kim begged, tears running down her face.  
  
"It'll be over before you know it," the doctor tried to calm her.  
  
Kim jumped when his hand touched her thigh, and turned her head to bury it into Jimmy's neck, "Please make him stop, Jimmy. I can't," she sobbed.  
  
Jimmy nuzzled her cheek and whispered in her ear, "It's ok, baby. He's not gonna hurt you."  
  
"Please, make him stop. Please, please, please," she begged through her tears.  
  
The doctor stood and moved to the side of the bed, "Kim, would you feel more comfortable if a woman did the test," he asked.  
  
Kim nodded her head, which was still buried in Jimmy's neck, "I think that would be better," Jimmy answered for her. The doctor nodded and went to find a nurse. The older nurse that had been pretty much taking care of her the whole time, came in.  
  
"Hi, Kim. My name's Claire. I've been taking care of you the past few days."  
  
Kim finally removed her face from Jimmy's neck, "Hi," she rasped, "I'm really sorry about this."  
  
"Don't be. I'd be more than happy to help you. Do you still want Jimmy to stay?"  
  
"Have you learned nothing in the past few days? You couldn't get rid of me if you tried," he stated, causing the nurse to laugh and Kim to crack a smile.  
  
"What was I thinking?" she chuckled.  
  
To try and distract Kim from what was going on, Jimmy was catching her up on all the latest news; Alex whining about being paired with Carlos, both their mothers practically living together, and everything Joey had been up to. By the time the nurse had finished, Kim barely knew she had started. There was quite a bit of pain down there, but she was really happy to hear about everyone.  
  
When the nurse was through, Kim looked at her anxiously. "So. what does the test say?" she asked, afraid to know the answer. Jimmy held her hand tighter.  
  
"Kim, I'm afraid he did rape you. There is some damage down there, which is the pain you're feeling. It should heal soon though."  
  
Kim felt like she was going to pass out. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. This happened to the people she helped everyday. Not her.  
  
"All we have to do now is check to see if you're pregnant," explained the nurse calmly. This part was always the worst.  
  
Kim freaked accordingly, "What?! Pregnant! I can't.." she trailed off, tears running down her face.  
  
Jimmy took her sobbing form in his arms and whispered soothing nonsense in her ear to try and calm her down. The nurse left to do the test, and they were alone. She had finally calmed enough to speak again. "Jimmy, I can't have another baby. I can't have his baby. I just can't," she cried.  
  
Jimmy cupped her face and tried to wipe away the constant flow of tears, "Shh, baby, it's gonna be o.k. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it, alright."  
  
"We nothing. I'm the one who'll have to have this baby and raise it, and always have this reminder. How am I supposed to love something created out of hate and violence?"  
  
Jimmy scooted her over and sat next to her on the bed, "No matter what happens, I promise I'll be here for you. No matter what," he stated, holding her close.  
  
Kim leaned heavily in to him. The day's events had been too much, and she was still really weak. "You promise," she asked, already dozing off.  
  
"I promise," he whispered, kissing her on the head. 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Back to You- chapter 4 Disclaimer: Just to be completely clear, I don't own any of the characters from Third Watch. I think you're all smart enough to figure that out though.=)  
  
Two days had passed and Kim was recovering nicely. The pregnancy test had come back negative, and she was being released today. Jimmy, of course was there, waiting to take her home. Joey was waiting at the apartment with Katherine. She had been so happy to actually see with her own eyes that her son was o.k. Now she was looking forward to going home and being his mom again. Most of the pain was gone. It still hurt to walk because he had been very rough when he raped her. She hated the constant reminder when she walked around. Most of the bruising was gone, though she had a little left on her face. There was an ugly scar from the knife wound though. She would have to see a doctor about getting that fixed. For now though, she wanted to go home.  
  
She was fine the whole way home, until she actually got home. When Jimmy pulled up to the curb, she felt a huge sense of fear. It was day now, but what if the guy came back at night? Bosco and Faith had been by a lot to see if she could remember the guy's face, but she always came up blank. She just couldn't remember. That meant he was still out there. What if he came back?  
  
Jimmy noticed that Kim had become silent and wasn't moving from the car. He got out and went to her side to open the door, and still she didn't move. He knelt down and put his hand on her knee, which caused her to jump. "Hey, you o.k.?"  
  
Kim plastered a smile on her face, she didn't want Jimmy to see she was completely terrified. "Yeah, I'm just really tired all of a sudden."  
  
Jimmy knew better, but he wasn't going to argue. "Alright. How about we go upstairs and see that son of ours?" he smiled.  
  
Kim smiled back, "Absolutely."  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Joey had been overly excited that Kim was home and he was going to get to stay with his mom tonight. Jimmy had stayed and cooked dinner for the three of them. Katherine had made some excuse to leave. It was like she was afraid to be around Kim now. Jimmy had just tucked Joey into bed and he went to join Kim on the couch. "He really tired himself out tonight. I think he had an overload," he laughed.  
  
Kim smiled, "I think I'm having one too. I'm so happy to be home though." Kim paused for a second, then looked at Jimmy, "You know, you've been really great to me the last week. Thank you for taking care of me."  
  
Jimmy smiled, "You were there for me. I wanted to be there for you too."  
  
Kim had a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. He was going to have to leave now. He had pretty much stayed with her the whole time at the hospital, and she was afraid to have him leave now. She couldn't stall anymore though, she had to get on with her life. It wasn't his job to protect her anymore. "Well, it's getting pretty late. I guess you should go," she smiled, trying not to cry.  
  
"Kim, I don't have to. If you want, I could sleep on the couch," he offered, knowing how scared she was.  
  
"No, I'll be o.k. I'm really tired, so I'll probably just crash," she smiled at the disbelieving look he gave her. She put her hand in his, "I'll be fine, Jimmy. Unless you're worried about Joey, because I can take care of him," she started to convince him.  
  
"No. I'm not worried about Joey. I'm worried about you. It's o.k. to be scared, you know. I'd understand if you didn't want to be alone," he stroked her hand.  
  
"Is this your way of trying to sleep with me?" she teased.  
  
"Am I that transparent?" he teased back, "Seriously though, I'd be happy to stay."  
  
"I'll be ok," she said as she walked him to the door.  
  
"Promise me you'll call if you get scared or worried?" he asked sternly.  
  
Kim smiled at his concern, "I promise," she hugged him, and watched him walk away. She slipped back into the apartment, suddenly wishing she had taken him up on his offer.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Three days had passed and Kim was back to work. She couldn't stand to be in that apartment. She always felt nervous and was constantly checking her locks. She had barely slept in the last 72 hours, staying up most of the night in front of the t.v. She hadn't really been eating anything either. She knew she couldn't go on like this, but she wasn't about to ask Jimmy to come and stay with her and Joey. That would make her so pathetic. Besides, she hadn't even really talked to him since the first night back. She had been avoiding him at all costs.  
  
Jimmy could tell. Every time he would try and talk to her, she would shy away and go back to work. Even the calls they got together, she wouldn't even look at him. She had every right to be mad at him, in fact hate him, but it was killing him inside. He knew she was still scared too, but she never said anything.  
  
Jimmy saw Alex sitting and reading, "Hey Alex."  
  
Alex looked up and smiled, "Hey Jimmy. What's up?"  
  
"Watcha reading?" he asked, trying to stall.  
  
Alex put down her book and stared at him, "You aren't really interested in my reading materials, so I suggest you tell me what's going on?"  
  
Jimmy sighed, "I was wondering if you've talked to Kim any?"  
  
"Of course I've talked to Kim, we ride together all day. What are you getting at?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"I'm worried about her. I don't know if it's just me, but she doesn't talk or even look at me. She seems like she's scared or something."  
  
Alex could see the concern he had for Kim and let her guard down, "No, it's not you. We talk, but it's mostly me. She's really quiet these days. I don't think she's sleeping or eating either. She seems really jumpy all the time, especially around men, even the guys here."  
  
"Do you think I should say something?" Jimmy asked.  
  
"No. You know she'll just get upset. Maybe she just needs some time to deal with everything."  
  
"Yeah, maybe," Jimmy replied, not convinced.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Not long after Kim had tucked Joey into bed, she heard some noise in the hallway outside her door. She was determined to ignore it, but the noise was getting closer. Some guy started to knock on the door, calling for Jenny. The knocking soon turned into pounding and Joey came tiredly into the living room to see his mom nearly hyperventilating. "Joey, go back into your room and lock the door, sweetie," she rasped out in between her labored breathing.  
  
"But Mommy-"  
  
"Joey, go. Now," Kim looked at him with concern.  
  
After she heard his door lock she went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. She couldn't seem to calm down her breathing and she was feeling a little dizzy. She stayed crouched on the kitchen floor with the knife in her hands until she heard the sound of Joey crying. Had the man somehow gotten into his room? That was impossible because she could still hear him, making a fuss at someone else's door. That neighbor was not afraid and opened the door and started yelling at the noisy man, threatening to call the police.  
  
Kim made her way to Joey's room and opened the door. He ran up to her and held her tight, "Mommy, I'm scared. I want Daddy," he cried.  
  
Great. Now her paranoia was scaring her son and she could no longer comfort him, "Oh, Joey, it's o.k. sweetie. He's gone now. Shh," she tried to soothe while trying to calm herself.  
  
"Please call Daddy. I want Daddy," he continued to cry.  
  
Kim tried to comfort him for the next 20 minutes, but nothing seemed to help and he continued to ask for Jimmy. "Ok. Ok, sweetie, I'll call your Daddy ok?" she wiped away his tears.  
  
She went to the phone with Joey following her and dialed the number. She really didn't wanna do this, but Joey just would not calm down. "Hello?" he answered in a very sleepy voice.  
  
"Jimmy, it's Kim," she tried to sound calm.  
  
Jimmy shot straight up in bed, fully awake, "Kim? Are you o.k.? What's going on?" he asked in a panic.  
  
"Yeah we're fine. We're both fine. We just had a bit of a scare, but we're o.k.. Joey wants to talk to you," she said and passed the phone to Joey.  
  
"Daddy, will you please come over?" he asked still crying a little.  
  
"Hey, buddy. What's the matter?" he asked, trying to make sense of all this.  
  
"There was a man at the door and he scared me. Mommy told me to go in my room and lock the door. I thought he was gonna get us," he cried.  
  
"No, no, no. Hey, no one is going to get anyone. You're safe o.k.?" he tried to soothe his son, but his mind was reeling with fear. Did this guy try to get in? Were they really ok?  
  
"Please, Daddy. I want you here," Joey cried harder.  
  
"Ok. Let me talk to your mom, baby," he asked.  
  
Kim rubbed Joeys back as he buried his face in her lap, "Hey."  
  
"I'm coming over," he said.  
  
"Jimmy, it's late and you have to work tomorrow. I'm sure he'll calm down soon. He probably just needed to hear you voice," she tried not to cry herself. If there was ever a time she wished they were still married, this was it. She really needed him here. She was so scared.  
  
Jimmy heard the fear in her voice and knew she was trying to be brave, "Kim, please don't argue with me about this. He's really scared and I want to be there," he begged, wanting to be there for her too. Kim bit her nails nervously, "I'll wait up," she relented and hung up.  
  
Jimmy sped across town and made it to Kim's place in record time. He saw some guy passed out in the doorway of the building and assumed he was the guy who had bothered them. He really wanted to punch the guy, but ran up to Kim's apartment instead. He lightly knocked on the door.  
  
Kim started to breathe hard again and Joey looked at her with fear, "Is the bad man back?" he asked, gripping his mother tight.  
  
"Kim, it's me," called Jimmy, thinking she might get nervous at the knocking.  
  
Kim calmed and walked to the door, unlocking the millions of locks she had on her door. "Hey," he smiled and was nearly knocked down by Joey leaping on him. "Hey, champ. It's ok, I'm here," he picked his son up and walked to the couch. Kim locked the door again and joined them.  
  
"I'm really sorry about this. He just wouldn't calm down, and I didn't want him to make himself sick," she tried to explain.  
  
Jimmy laid his hand on her knee, "Kim, it's o.k."  
  
She shifted nervously and got up, "I need to go to the bathroom," she quickly left.  
  
Jimmy continued to rub Joey's back, watching Kim run away. She was so scared and there was nothing he could do. "How're doing, champ?" he smiled.  
  
Joey looked at his dad, "Is the bad man going to hurt Mommy again," he asked afraid.  
  
"No, Joey. No one's going to hurt Mommy. I promise."  
  
"Mommy got real scared. She was breathing really funny," he said.  
  
Jimmy frowned, "What do you mean?" he asked concerned. Joey imitated Kim. "You mean she couldn't breathe?" he asked looking at his son.  
  
"It's like she ran fast, but she didn't," Joey tried to explain.  
  
"She's ok., Joey. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy," he promised, rubbing Joey's back.  
  
Kim came back and saw this sight. Joey was asleep in his father's arms. It brought a smile to her face. "You got him to go back to sleep," she whispered and stroked Joey's hair gently.  
  
"Yeah. He probably shouldn't go to school tomorrow. It's been too much of a night," Jimmy looked at her, wanting to take her in his arms too.  
  
"Maybe you should take him to your place for a while. I think he feels safer with you," Kim suggested, the thought bringing tears to her eyes.  
  
Jimmy laid Joey on the couch and looked at Kim, "Joey said you were breathing funny when the guy was here."  
  
Kim looked away from him, "I was just.. I don't know.." she couldn't seem to finish her thought.  
  
Jimmy scooted close to her and took her hand, "Kim I know you're still scared. Please, let me help you. I want to be here for you," he begged as he watched a tear roll down her cheek. He just wanted to wrap his arms around her and protect her from everything and everyone that hurt her.  
  
Kim shot up and kneeled next to Joey, "Honey, Joey wake up," she whispered. Jimmy was confused by her actions. Joey opened his eyes, "Mommy?"  
  
"Baby, you're gonna go stay with Daddy for a while. Will that make you feel better?"  
  
"Yeah," he yawned.  
  
Kim nearly started to cry, but went and got a few of his things ready to go. She returned to find Jimmy helping a half-asleep Joey into his coat and boots. He stood and looked at Kim, "It's not that he doesn't feel safe with you Kim."  
  
Kim's eyes started to fill, but she smiled. She kneeled down and kissed Joey on the cheek, "I'll come and see you tomorrow, ok?"  
  
Joey became fully awake and latched on to Kim, "No! Mommy you have to come too. I don't wanna go without you."  
  
Kim tried to tell him she'd be ok, but it was hard to convince him of that in the near crying state she was in. She looked to Jimmy for help. Jimmy kneeled down and pried Joey off of her, "Joey, it's ok. Mommy's coming with us, ok?"  
  
Kim looked at Jimmy, "Jimmy don't do this," she begged.  
  
"Kim, your son wants you to be safe and you're scared of being here alone. Please, just come with me. I want you to. I need to know you're ok," he pleaded with her.  
  
"Please, Mommy," Joey cried.  
  
Kim finally let her tears come and kissed Joey's head, "Ok. You boys win," she smiled at Jimmy.  
  
Jimmy smiled back. He just wanted to be where he could protect her. He needed to protect his son and Kim. His family. He had done a bad job in the past, he was determined to be there now. 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Back to You- chapter 5 Disclaimer: Life would be so cool if I owned the characters from Third Watch, but alas, I don't.  
  
Jimmy had put Joey to bed as soon as they walked in the door. With all the excitement that night he had been exhausted an fallen asleep on the way. Jimmy was still unsure about how to act around Kim. She was so clearly terrified, but wouldn't or couldn't ask for help. Tonight was the first time he had gotten a good look at her in a while, and he noticed how much weight she really had lost. More than anything he wanted to help her and protect her, but he had no idea how.  
  
Jimmy entered the living room to find Kim sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under her and her hands rubbing her temples, trying to release some tension. "Hey. How are you?" he asked concerned.  
  
Kim looked at him through sleepy eyes, "Is he asleep?" she asked, trying to get him to leave her alone.  
  
Jimmy noticed the dodge and sighed, "Yeah Kim, he's fine." Jimmy took a seat across from her on the coffee table, "Are you gonna avoid me forever?" he asked softly.  
  
Kim looked down and laughed nervously, "I'm not avoiding you."  
  
"Kim, I see you everyday and you never talk to me. I can't even get you to look at me. Look, you have every right to hate me, but you have to believe that I want to help you," he pleaded with her.  
  
"Hate you? Why would I hate you?" Kim asked with confusion.  
  
"If it wasn't for me, none of this would have ever happened," he said, looking away from her.  
  
Kim moved to the edge of the couch and put her hand under his chin, forcing him to look at her, "What on earth are you talking about? None of this is your fault."  
  
Jimmy laughed humorlessly, "Yeah, right. If I hadn't pushed you that night we went out to dinner, than you wouldn't have left alone. You wouldn't have ran into that guy. None of this would have happened." He was having a seriously hard time keeping his emotions under control, but he didn't want Kim's sympathy. He didn't deserve it.  
  
Kim took his hands in hers and stroked them lightly. Having these heart to hearts was never an easy thing for Jimmy. Very seldom could you ever tell what he was actually feeling. He always resorted to being the macho, player type, always the dog in front of the guys. But she knew better, she was married to the guy after all. "Is that really what you think?" she asked softly.  
  
"I'll never forgive myself for this. If I had just left it alone..," he trailed off.  
  
"Jimmy, this was not your fault. You offered to drive me home and I said no."  
  
"If I hadn't acted like such an ass, you wouldn't have said no."  
  
Kim smiled, "Eh. I'm used to it by now," she teased.  
  
Jimmy laughed, "I'm still sorry." He paused for a while hesitating to go on, but he had to say something. "I know you act like you're alright, but I can tell you're still scared," he said, gently rubbing his thumbs over her hands.  
  
Kim's smile faded. For a moment she was actually comfortable, for once focusing on someone else's problems, but now the attention was back on her, and Jimmy had that look on his face again. The one that she used to see when they were married and she was having a hard time. The look that said he wanted to protect her and take care of her. The look that she absolutely could not handle right now. Kim pulled her hands away and nervously tucked some hair behind her ear. "Where do you want me to sleep? I'm getting pretty tired and we have to work tomorrow."  
  
Jimmy just stared at her, "You shouldn't go to work tomorrow. Why don't you stay home with Joey and get some rest?" Jimmy was fighting the urge to loose it. Every time he thought he was getting through to her, she freaked out and pushed him away further.  
  
"I don't need to rest. I'll take Joey over to my mom's place before work."  
  
Jimmy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "So you're just gonna dodge me forever? Kim, you need to talk to someone. Keeping it all inside isn't good for you."  
  
Kim stood up fast, "Don't you tell me what's good for me! You're Joey's dad, not mine. I know how to take care of myself and I don't need you telling me what to do. I'm tired of you and everyone else looking at me like that!" Kim was breathing hard and she was shaking, unable to control her emotions.  
  
Jimmy looked up at her, "Looking at you like what?" he asked calmly, his heart breaking at the sight before him.  
  
"Like I'm gonna break, like I'm the saddest thing you've ever seen," she continued to shake, though her voice was more quiet.  
  
"Kim, I'm just worried about you, and so is everyone else. You don't eat, you don't sleep, you don't talk and I'm just afraid for you!" Jimmy tried to make her see.  
  
Kim stayed quiet but looked at him with fear and hurt in her eyes, "You think I'm gonna hurt myself again, don't you?" she asked quietly. Jimmy didn't say anything, but held her gaze. "You think I'm gonna hurt myself and you're gonna try and take Joey away from me again."  
  
Jimmy shook his head and tried to move closer to her, but she backed away, "Kim, I'm not going to take Joey away from you."  
  
"Is that what you think though? That I'll try and kill myself again?" she asked softly, the fight leaving her exhausted. Jimmy remained silent. "Is that what you think?" she asked again.  
  
"Kim, I want to help you and-" Jimmy was cut off by her retreating form. Jimmy grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him, "Where are you going?"  
  
Kim pulled her arm away, "I'll go to my mom's tonight. I can't be here. Make sure to drop Joey off in the morning." She turned and reached for the door.  
  
"Kim, please. Please don't go. It's late," Jimmy begged.  
  
"I'll be fine," she said, not turning around, making her way outside.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
After not getting any sleep at all the night before, Jimmy got up and went to call Kim at Katherine's. He hoped she might have gotten some sleep and was feeling a little better. At least not like she wanted to kill him anyways.  
  
"Hello," answered Kim's mom.  
  
"Morning Katherine. Can I talk to Kim?"  
  
"Kim isn't here, Jimmy."  
  
Jimmy stopped for a minute and tried to push down the panic that was rising inside. "Kim said that she was going to stay with you last night. Someone was pounding at their door last night and I went over and picked them up. Joey is still asleep here, but Kim and I had an argument and she said she was gonna go and stay with you."  
  
"I know what happened. She called me early in the morning and asked me to tell you that she was staying with me. I wanted her to come, but she said she wanted to be alone."  
  
"Where is she then?" Jimmy didn't understand why Kim would ask her mom to lie to him.  
  
"She went home. Look Jimmy, she sounded really bad last night. She wouldn't say anything, but I could tell there was something wrong. I think she's still scared."  
  
"I'll call in sick. Would you mind watching Joey today?"  
  
"Of course not. What are you gonna do though? I doubt Kim wants to see you right now."  
  
"She doesn't have a choice."  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim was sitting on the couch in front of the t.v. Almost every light in the apartment was on, it was the only way she felt safe now. She was wrapped in a blanket, but all night she had been shaking. She wasn't sure if it was from the cold or from something else, but knew she didn't want to examine it too closely. Suddenly she started crying. How long could she go on like this? Last night was crossing a boundary. She wasn't just scaring herself, she was scaring her son. She knew Joey was worried about her all the time and that didn't make her feel any better. He was just a kid, he shouldn't have to worry about his mother. Maybe he would be better off staying with Jimmy for a while. Just until she got herself back together again. That thought made her cry even harder. She heard a knock at the door and her heart started to race and her breathing sped up. Kim got up, shaking harder and walked to the door. It registered in her mind that whoever was knocking wasn't intent on trying to break her door down like the guy had been last night.  
  
"Kim? Kim are you still home?" Jimmy called out gently, not wanting to startle her.  
  
Kim let out a huge breath and opened the door, "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to slow down her breathing.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he repeated the question. Kim looked down and pulled at the hem of her shirt. "You told me you were going over to your mom's."  
  
"I did," she lied, "I came back here not to long ago to get ready for work."  
  
Jimmy closed his eyes, forcing himself to stay calm, "I called your mom's this morning and she said you asked her to tell me you were there. Why are you lying to me?"  
  
Kim backed up a few steps, "I knew if I told you last night that I was going to come home, you would have made a big deal about it."  
  
Jimmy hardly heard her answer, he was too busy taking in her appearance. She was shaking, her eyes were red, and there were tears rolling out of her eyes. He had come here with the intention of yelling at her, but just looking at her made him want to cry too. He took a couple steps towards her, noticing she was trying to inch away from him. "I'm not gonna hurt you," he reassured her. She stopped moving, but stared at her feet. Jimmy cupped the side of her face with one hand and brushed the tears away with his thumb. He did the same with the other side and gently raised her head, "Did you sleep at all last night?" he asked softly.  
  
"No," she whispered in a hoarse voice.  
  
Jimmy continued to gently caress her cheeks with his thumbs, noticing that it seemed to calm her. She was still shaking, but not as bad. "Me either." She moved a little closer to him, still nervously playing with the hem of her shirt. "Are you still insisting on going to work today?"  
  
"I think I'm too tired," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy looked around, "It's no wonder you didn't sleep. It's brighter than the surface of the sun in here," he frowned looking at all the lights. "There's going to be an electricity shortage in New York if we don't turn some lights off."  
  
Kim smiled and finally looked at him, "It makes me feel better," she confessed.  
  
"Would it make you feel any better if I stayed with you?" he asked, hoping that suggestion wouldn't piss her off.  
  
Kim started to cry again, "I hate being like this."  
  
Jimmy slowly pulled her into his arms, giving her the opportunity to pull away, but she didn't. She wrapped her shaking arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest. Jimmy sighed with relief, finally she was letting him in. "I know, baby. I know." They continued to stand there and hold each other like that for a long time. He began to feel Kim's body sagging against his. "Why don't I put you to bed, huh?"  
  
Kim pulled away slightly and looked at her room, "I haven't slept in there since I was attacked."  
  
"I don't think you've slept at all." Kim turned and looked at him. "I mean, you look like you haven't slept in ages."  
  
"Oh, gee. Thanks. You really know how to make a girl feel special," she smirked.  
  
"Where you planning on going with those bags? Japan?" he smiled.  
  
"Jimmy!" she pushed him away and laughed.  
  
They became serious again and Jimmy went around the apartment turning off all the lights. It was daytime, so the apartment wasn't dark, but it still made her nervous. Jimmy took her hand and led her into her bedroom. He felt her start to shake again. "So, when do you get off work tonight?" she asked, not wanting to be alone.  
  
"I called in sick," he said. Jimmy moved closer to her and looked her in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Kim."  
  
Kim unzipped his jacket and slid it off his big shoulders. Jimmy raised his eyebrows in surprise, but didn't protest. He slipped his hands around her waist, "This isn't exactly what I had in mind, but I'm open to suggestion," he smiled.  
  
Kim rolled her eyes, but he saw the hint of a smile. She looked up at him, "Will you stay with me?"  
  
He brushed some hair out of her face, "Of course."  
  
Kim looked down briefly, "I didn't mean like."  
  
"I know what you meant," Jimmy smiled.  
  
Kim crawled into bed and reached a hand out to pull him in. Jimmy quickly kicked off his shoes and slid in beside her, not quite knowing what she wanted him to do. Kim waited for him to lay down and curled up into his side, her head resting on his chest, her arm around his waist. Jimmy smiled and wrapped his arm around her, "Just sleep, Kimmy. I'll be here when you wake up." Jimmy knew she hadn't heard a word he said because she was already fast asleep. He kissed her head and drifted into sleep himself. 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Back to You- chapter 6 Disclaimer: Know what I wish I owned? Third Watch. But I don't.  
  
Jimmy woke up with a feeling that things were going to get complicated. When he had fallen asleep, Kim had her head on his chest and her arm slung around his waist, you know, warm and cozy. He was happy to be able to comfort her, but he wasn't feeling warm and cozy so much as hot and horny. Kim's head was still on his chest, but her leg was intertwined between his and her hand was resting comfortably, low on his stomach, under his shirt. Jimmy felt a slow burn starting and he knew that if he didn't do something fast, he was gonna catch on fire. Things could get very awkward and embarrassing if Kim were to wake up now. While trying to lay as still as possible as to not wake the warm, cuddly mass beside him, he couldn't help but notice how good this felt. There was a time when they always used to wake up like this. Then usually one would wake up before the other and start to do interesting things to wake the other up. Things that he definitely shouldn't be thinking about now in his present situation.  
  
Jimmy held his breath as he felt Kim stir. He thought for sure this was how he was gonna die. Not by some dangerous or heroic effort on his part, but by the wrath of his ex-wife. God he hated that "ex" part. Where the hell did that thought come from?  
  
Kim's hand smoothed over his stomach gently causing his muscles to tense a little. She sighed in her sleep and snuggled more deeply against his body. Her leg caressed the inside of his and her knee nearly brushed a very dangerous area. That was the breaking point. He had to get a cold shower and fast.  
  
Jimmy slowly moved Kim's hand from under his shirt and kissed her fingers, putting her hand on the pillow. Slowly, carefully and not to mention painfully, he gently extracted himself from the human pretzel they had created. Kim moaned at the loss and tried to scoot closer to where he had been laying. He quietly shushed her and kissed her head causing her to sigh and burrow into the covers. Jimmy made a mad dash into the bathroom and shucked his clothing in record timing. He turned on the shower as cold as his body could stand and stood there trying to think of anything but how good her warm body had felt so close to his. 'I'm thinking about trash. Mud. Charred flesh. Damn it, her flesh. So smooth. NO! Car wreck. Twisted metal. Guts flying everywhere.'  
  
While Jimmy was trying to focus on all that was disgusting in this world, Kim awoke to the sound of running water. Night had already fallen and the only light was the one coming from under the door of the bathroom. Briefly she panicked, because of the lack of light and wondering if she had done something really stupid with Jimmy. Wouldn't be the first time. She turned on the bedside light and saw Jimmy's shoes and jacket on the floor, but no pants or underwear. That was a good sign. She flopped back down on the bed and it all came back to her. Jimmy had come because he was worried and she had asked him to stay because she was scared. And he had. Without once trying to make a move. Kim chuckled lightly to herself, but soon her smile became a frown. What? Was she not attractive to him anymore. Did he not find her appealing after so many years? Kim shook her head to rid herself of these thoughts. What did she care what he thought of her anymore? It wasn't like she was trying to impress him or anything, right? Right?! Kim smiled when she thought about this day. She had woken up from a bad dream and had immediately seen Jimmy's face when she opened her eyes. That instantly calmed her and she fell right back to sleep, not even thinking that it was strange that he was there. How was it that he could still offer her that kind of comfort after all they had been through?  
  
Jimmy was taking a really long time in the shower so she decided to give her mom a call and see how Joey was. It had hit her before she fell asleep that he wasn't with Jimmy and he explained that Joey was staying with her mom.  
  
"Hello?" answered Katherine.  
  
"Hey, Mom. How's Joey?"  
  
"Oh god, Kim. I'm so glad you called. I was getting so worried. I hadn't heard from you or Jimmy and I was starting to think that something might have happened."  
  
Kim sighed and rolled her eyes. Her mom always rambled when she was worried. "Mom, I'm fine," she said, trying to reassure her.  
  
"That's what you said last night and I could tell from your voice that you were not o.k. Jimmy called and wanted to talk to you and I just couldn't lie because he was really worried and-"  
  
"Mom! Breathe," Kim laughed. "I'm not mad that you told Jimmy. You were right. I was having some problems and it was good that he came. I'm feeling much better. He stayed with me and-"  
  
"Jimmy stayed with you all day? I thought you said you were tired and just needed sleep," asked Katherine, not liking where this was going.  
  
"I did sleep and he stayed with me," Kim explained, knowing what was coming next.  
  
"You slept together didn't you? Kim, why do you always do this to yourself?! You always go to him for comfort and end up drowning your pain in sex!"  
  
Kim fought the urge to laugh. Probably any other day she would have been mad at that comment, but for some reason, hearing her mom go on like this was funny. "Kimberly, I swear, if you're laughing-"  
  
"Wow. You must really be mad to full name me," Kim laughed, but cut her mom off before she started again. "Not that it's any of your business, we didn't have sex."  
  
"But you did sleep together, didn't you?" accused Katherine.  
  
"Mom, give it a rest," Kim was starting to get annoyed.  
  
"Kim, you know how this is going to turn out. Just like it always does. You'll look to him to be the grown up for once and take care of you and he'll take advantage of that and you'll let him."  
  
Now Kim was mad. "You have no right to say anything, mother. Jimmy has been the only one that has been there for me through this whole thing and for your information hasn't tried to take anything from me! I didn't see you at my bedside when I was at the hospital. It was Jimmy. I know we've made some really stupid mistakes when it comes to each other, but he's there for me and more importantly, he's there for our son. So don't start with the whole Jimmy issue."  
  
Katherine was completely silent. She really wished she had kept her mouth shut. "You're right. I have no place to say those things. It's your life and your choice. I'm just worried, Kimmy. I don't want to see you get hurt again."  
  
Kim closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, Mom. I know. Look, let me talk to Joey."  
  
Kim heard her son on the other line. "Mommy?"  
  
Kim smiled. Hearing his voice helped calm her. As long as she knew he was alright, everything was fine. "Hi, baby? Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up this morning, but I wasn't feeling good and needed to go home."  
  
"That's o.k., Mommy. Dad made pancakes and I've been playing with Mikey all day," her son explained excitedly.  
  
Kim smiled, "Well, how about Dad and I pick you up and we have pizza and watch movies?"  
  
"Cool," Joey chirped.  
  
"O.k. We'll be there in a couple of hours. Be good for your grandma."  
  
"I will. Bye, Mom."  
  
Katherine took the phone, "Joey can stay with me tonight if you need some more time," she offered, trying to make peace.  
  
"No, it's alright. I really want him home. I need to be his mother tonight."  
  
After a few more awkward minutes, Kim said goodbye and hung up. She looked up to see the bathroom light off. She hadn't even noticed Jimmy had left. She made her way in to the living room to find him sitting on the couch watching the news and sipping coffee. He smiled when she entered the room, "There's some coffee in the pot if you want some."  
  
"Thanks," she smiled and got a cup. She went back and sat by Jimmy. "So, how much of that did you hear," Kim asked looking at her cup.  
  
Jimmy smiled, "I didn't hear a thing."  
  
Kim laughed, "Yeah right."  
  
"No, seriously though. I left before you guys started to argue," he looked at her, "You ok?"  
  
"It was nothing. Just one of our stupid fights that we have every time we talk."  
  
Jimmy set his mug down and turned to face her. She was wearing an oversized F.D.N.Y t-shirt and her hair was all messy. She looked incredibly sexy. All of a sudden he was starting to feel a little warm again and forced the onslaught of visuals out of his head. "So, what's happening with Joey?"  
  
Kim noticed he seemed a little antsy but thought maybe he hadn't slept so good, "I told him we'd pick him up and do a pizza/movie night."  
  
"Sounds good," he smiled.  
  
Kim once again looked into her coffee cup, "Thanks for staying with me today. I know you probably had better things to do than take care of my sorry ass, but thanks," she smiled.  
  
Jimmy chuckled, "It was no problem. Actually, I haven't slept that good in a while, so thank you."  
  
Kim laughed, "So, I'll go take a shower and get ready," she stood up and stretched. Jimmy quickly averted his eyes when her shirt rode up and he could see the tops of her thighs. She smiled, oblivious to her affect on him, and walked away, and he couldn't help but watch. Damn! Why did she have to be so sexy? 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Back to You- chapter 7 Disclaimer: Guess how many of the Third Watch characters I own. None. A/N: I just wanted to say thank you to all of you that have been so encouraging. You really make this a blast!=)  
  
After a fun night at Jimmy's with too much pizza and a Star War's marathon, Joey had passed out from exhaustion. Kim carried him to bed and tucked him in. It was nice to have a night all together without thinking of the last month. Joey wasn't worried about his mom, Kim wasn't worried about Joey, but Jimmy was still worried about Kim. He really didn't want her to be all by herself.  
  
Kim sat by Jimmy and looked at the look on his face and could tell he was starting to worry again. "Jimmy, come on. We had a good time tonight. Don't start."  
  
"I didn't say anything," Jimmy weakly tried to defend himself.  
  
"I can tell by the look you have on your face that you're going to say something." Kim scooted closer to him and took his hand. "Jimmy, I'll be o.k. I just need sometime to get back on my feet."  
  
Jimmy looked into her eyes and sighed, "Pushing Joey and me away isn't the way to do it."  
  
Kim released his hand, "I'm not pushing you away. I do appreciate all the concern, but you carrying me isn't the answer either. I have to be able to do this on my own."  
  
"No, you're wrong. You don't have to do this alone."  
  
Kim shifted uncomfortably, "I gotta go," she began to stand.  
  
Jimmy took her hand and stopped her from moving, "Kim, please. Stop running away from me. You don't have to do this alone. I won't let you."  
  
Kim looked down at him, trying to keep herself from crying, "Jimmy don't."  
  
Jimmy stood and took her tense body into his arms. "Don't go."  
  
Kim weakly tried to move away, but his grip was unyielding. "Jimmy please, let me go." Tears were starting to blur her vision.  
  
Jimmy completely ignored her request and slowly walked her backwards into his bedroom, not loosening his hold on her. Kim knew where he was taking her and her mother's words came floating back into her head. Was he really going to take advantage of her like her mom had predicted? Would she let him? She felt the backs of her legs hit the bed. Kim met his intense gaze. Her arms rested lightly around his waist, in the grip he had her in that was the only place where they could go. Her fingers clenched his shirt and the tears in her eyes were threatening to spill. Jimmy gently shushed her and rested his forehead against hers.  
  
Not looking up, Kim's hands moved slowly under the back of his shirt as she stepped a little closer. Jimmy kissed her forehead and unzipped her sweatshirt, laying it on the chair next to his bed. He slowly kneeled down in front of her and began to untie her shoes. Her hands moved to rest on his shoulders, one moving to run through his hair. Jimmy looked up and smiled, moving to stand again. He moved away from her slightly and pulled back the covers on the bed. He looked back at her and knew what she was thinking by the slight fear and look of acceptance. He walked to his closet and pulled out an old shirt and sweatpants. He walked back and handed them to her. Kim looked at him, confusion clearly on her face.  
  
"These will have to do until we go and get your things from your apartment," he said softly.  
  
Kim just continued to look at him with a very lost look on her face. "But I thought." she drifted off. Jimmy smiled and stroked her cheek, "I know what you thought, and I would never do that to you. Look Kim, you can be mad at me, you can yell at me, you can fight with me. I don't care. I'm not letting you go back to your apartment alone, scared, and trying to do everything by yourself. I know you want to be in perfect shape for Joey, but he worries more about you when he can't be with you than when you're around him. It's part of being a family, Kimmy. You have to let people care about you when you're not at your best. I want you to stay with me for a while. Just until you really feel safe again." Jimmy looked at her warily, waiting for her to blow up. He couldn't see her face because she was looking down and figured if he could, it wouldn't be pretty.  
  
Kim looked up with tears running down her face, "Why are you so insistent about this?"  
  
Jimmy smiled, "Kim I care about you. That has never changed."  
  
Kim wiped away her tears and smiled, "Never?"  
  
Jimmy smiled, "No, never."  
  
Kim sat down on the bed, "What if it takes a really long time for me to feel safe again?"  
  
"I don't care. Kim, let me take care of you. Like you always take care of me."  
  
"Nobody's taken care of me in a long time."  
  
Jimmy knelt down in front of her, "Let me."  
  
Kim looked into his eyes and finally really saw his concern for her. "I don't want you to do this because you think you owe me something."  
  
Jimmy chuckled softly, "Kim, I owe you a lot more than I could ever try and repay you for. I care about you. That's why I want you to stay."  
  
Kim gently smiled and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him to her and hugging him. Jimmy wrapped his arms around her and smiled. "Do you always have to be so stubborn?" she asked.  
  
Jimmy laughed, "That's why you love me."  
  
Kim laughed and shoved him back, "You wish."  
  
Jimmy waited while she went to the bathroom and changed. When she reemerged, he smiled to himself. There was some weird sense of satisfaction that he got seeing her in his clothes. She crawled into bed and looked at him expectantly. "Well, are you coming or not."  
  
"I'm gonna sleep on the couch," he smiled.  
  
Kim frowned, "No way. I'm not letting you sleep on the couch while I take over your bed. I'll sleep on the couch."  
  
Jimmy laughed, "It's ok. We'll do some rearranging in the morning. Just get some sleep." Kim sat up and hugged him to her, "Thank you for doing this. I've never been good at asking for help." She pulled back and gently kissed him on the lips.  
  
Jimmy's eyebrows raised in surprise, "You better watch it or I'll take you up on that offer to share the bed."  
  
Kim smiled and snuggled back under the covers, "Like you don't want to."  
  
Jimmy laughed, "Tease." He made his way to the door and turned around. "You know where I am if you need me. Help yourself to anything."  
  
Kim smiled, "Thanks, Jimmy."  
  
"Sleep tight, Kim."  
  
Jimmy finally got settled on the couch, but couldn't fall asleep. She'd kissed him. It had been a long time since the two of them had done that. He thought back to when he first led her in the bedroom. She would have let him make love to her. And he was no saint, the thought had crossed his mind more than once. But it would have turned out like all the other times. Her waking up and regretting what had happened and one or the other leaving before things got too real. That was definitely not the way he wanted her. It never was. One thing was for sure though, he still wanted her. It seemed like she got more sexy everyday. let him stay. 'Where the hell are these thoughts coming from?!' Jimmy's last thought was before falling asleep. 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Back to You- chapter 8 Disclaimer: Really, really don't own anyone from Third Watch. Author's Note: You're probably sitting there wondering 'when, dear God, are things going to heat up between them?' Well, things are about to get hot. If you weren't wondering, well, play along.=)  
  
It had been three weeks since Kim first started to stay with Jimmy. Things were becoming really comfortable. Joey seemed really happy that both his parents were in one place at the same time. The only problem was that Jimmy was getting a little too comfortable. He was getting used to having Kim around. Getting used to coming home to her and Joey every night. Getting used to coming home to her. It brought back a lot of memories and Jimmy found himself thinking about her constantly. She consumed his thoughts. He was even dreaming about her, not that that was unusual, its just the dreams seemed to be getting more detailed and graphic and he would have to dodge Kim in the morning until he could take a shower.  
  
Jimmy came home after a particularly long shift to find Kim still up and watching t.v. It had been a really bad day for her, so he heard. Alex and Kim had gone on a call and in his grief, a man had misdirected his anger on Kim. His wife had died in a car wreck and he was yelling for them to save her, but it was too late. The man had grabbed Kim by the arms and shaken her and yelled at her. It had completely terrified her. The only reason Jimmy knew any of this was because Alex had told him. They hadn't had any calls together that day, so he hadn't seen Kim all day. When he got back from his last call he was looking for her and that's when Alex told him what happened. She had gone home after that.  
  
"Hey there," Jimmy smiled when she looked over.  
  
Kim smiled back, "Hi. You're late tonight."  
  
Jimmy slumped on the sofa next to Kim and closed his eyes, "Yeah, last call was a bitch."  
  
Kim looked him over, "Are you alright?"  
  
Jimmy smiled, "Achy and tired, but other than that, I'm alright."  
  
"I made some mac and cheese for dinner if you're hungry."  
  
"That sounds great," Jimmy smiled. He followed her into the kitchen and sat in the chair watching her. He wasn't sure if he should bring up what happened or let it go.  
  
Kim placed the plate before him and sat across from him. "Oh my god, this is amazing."  
  
Kim laughed, "It's noodles and cheese, Jimmy."  
  
Jimmy chuckled, "It's great."  
  
There was a silence for a while and Kim studied Jimmy while he ate." I'm impressed."  
  
Jimmy sat back and looked at her, his stomach happily full, "Why's that?"  
  
"You've been home for a full 20 minutes and you haven't grilled me about what happened today."  
  
Jimmy smiled, "I figure if you want to talk about it, you will." Jimmy took his plate to the sink and rinsed it off. He grabbed Kim's hand and dragged her back to the couch. Jimmy leaned laid against the side and looked at Kim sitting on the other side. "What do I have to do to get a foot massage?"  
  
Kim laughed, "Oh, you think you deserve one, huh?"  
  
"Come on, please. That last call really killed me." Jimmy lifted his legs and laid them across Kim's lap.  
  
Kim laughed and started to unlace his boots, "You're lucky you took a shower before you came home otherwise you'd be out of luck." Jimmy laughed. Kim took his socks off and started to knead the arches, hiding a grin at the loud moans he was omitting. "Shh. You'll wake Joey."  
  
"Mmm, I can't help it. It feels so good." Jimmy felt he was in heaven. She had the magic touch.  
  
Kim massaged his feet for a long time and looked at his relaxed features. He looked like he was asleep. He was so incredibly handsome, not that she didn't already know that, but it seemed to grab her full attention at the moment. She remembered that she used to love watching him sleep. He looked so peaceful and innocent. That is until he'd catch her watching him, then he would do some not so innocent things to her. Kim blushed at the thought. She had been having these kinds of thoughts a lot lately. She even had been having some pretty steamy dreams that left her unable to look at him in the morning.  
  
"What?" Jimmy asked, snapping her out of her daze.  
  
"What, what?" Kim asked back.  
  
Jimmy smiled, "You were giving me a look."  
  
"What kind of look," Kim asked smiling back at him.  
  
"I don't know, you tell me."  
  
Kim stopped rubbing his feet, "Sit up."  
  
Jimmy quirked an eyebrow then pouted, "I was perfectly happy where I was."  
  
Kim laughed and pulled him up, "Come on, I promise, you'll still be pretty happy."  
  
Jimmy sat up and Kim moved him forward a little. She put one leg behind him and scooted so that she was sitting directly behind him, her legs on either side of him. She started to knead his shoulders causing him to moan again, "Oh god, that feels incredible."  
  
Kim laughed, "You have any especially sore spots?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, everywhere. Kimmy, I think I'm getting old."  
  
Kim laughed, "Hey, if you're getting old that means I'm getting old, so shut up." It registered in her mind that he had started calling her Kimmy a lot now. He used to call her that all the time. She'd always hated it when her mom and sister called her that growing up, but when Jimmy called her that, there was something about the way he said it. Kim continued rubbing his shoulders, kneading harder when she heard him hiss, "God, your so tense."  
  
"Hazard of the job," Jimmy mumbled, completely lost in her touch. In the back of his mind he was thinking about how good it felt to have her body wrapped around his. He opened his eyes and looked at her legs. He gently reached out and started rubbing one of her calves. "Mmm. That feels nice," she whispered, moving her hands to the middle of his back.  
  
"We have like a whole system going here," Jimmy smiled. Kim's hands were almost at the bottom of Jimmy's shirt, rubbing his lower back. Jimmy's hand moved a little higher on her leg, just above her knee. Kim scooted a little closer to him, her front almost connecting with his back. She was so close Jimmy could feel her sweet breathe on the back of his neck. He could hear her breathing speed up a little when his hand started to massage the inside of her thigh. Kim rested her forehead on his shoulder and he turned his head just enough to nuzzle her head. "You gonna tell me what happened out there today?" he asked softly, looking down again and still continuing his ministrations.  
  
Kim moved her head to the back of his neck, her lips brushing across his skin making his breathing escalate. "I thought you were gonna be a good boy and not bring that up," she whispered, trying to control herself, and failing. The only light that was on was coming from the t.v. and Joey was sound asleep. There was nothing to stop her but herself.  
  
"Did he hurt you?," Jimmy asked hoarsely, feeling her fingers slip under the waist of his jeans to knead his very lower back. Can you even call it 'back'?  
  
"No, just scared me a little," Kim whispered, having a really hard time concentrating. She could feel her body temperature rising and she knew she was getting wet.  
  
"Are you scared now?" he asked.  
  
"Why would I be scared now? You're with me," she whispered in his ear and gently leaned back against the couch pulling him with her. She bit back a moan when she felt his full weight on her. She really missed that. Her hands moved over his shoulders and lightly rubbed his chest. His head rested on the back of the couch. He could feel the heat coming from between her legs. He could feel her heart beating fast.  
  
"I would have hunted him down and ripped him apart if he had hurt you," Jimmy whispered hoarsely.  
  
Kim smiled and laced her fingers in his inactive hand, "Oh yeah?"  
  
"Absolutely," Jimmy said, rubbing his thumb against hers.  
  
"Does your back feel better?" Kim asked.  
  
"Mmm. Much." Jimmy felt her other hand rubbing his chest.  
  
"Jimmy?" she whispered.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You need to let me up."  
  
Jimmy's eyes opened and he turned his head slightly. "You really want to go?" he asked lazily.  
  
Kim was silent for a while. Going was the last thing she wanted to do, but it was the thing she needed to do. Things were getting pretty hot and if she didn't move, she knew they'd end up making a mistake. Things were already becoming confusing for her, she didn't need the added confusion of sleeping together.  
  
Kim lightly squeezed her legs around his thighs and sighed, "No," she answered quietly.  
  
Jimmy felt her move her hand off his chest and pull her other hand away from his. Jimmy sighed and sat up, freeing her body. Kim slipped out from behind him and sat next to him for a minute, both trying to regain some footing. "Are you sure you're o.k.?" he asked, turning his head to look at her. Damn she was gorgeous. Her skin was all flushed, her breathing was unsteady, her hair was bed rumpled. Absolutely gorgeous.  
  
Kim smiled at his concern, "I'm fine." Kim leaned over and kissed his cheek, "Get some sleep." She stood on shaky legs and smiled at him, still not quite sure what just happened. Jimmy smiled back and watched her disappear to the other room. He flopped back on the couch and threw his arm over his eyes. What in the hell had just happened and how long would it take to get rid of this major hard-on? Jimmy sighed with frustration and got ready for bed, willing sleep to come. Yeah right.  
Things are just getting started!! 


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Back to You- chapter 9 Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it? I don't own Third Watch. Author's Note: Sorry for the delay folks, I hope you enjoy. Thank you so much for the great feedback and utterly sweet encouragement. Thank you especially to jimbosJS and Jessica S who have taken time to read each chapter and say such pretty things. You guys are so good for my ego! Anyways, enough with the mushy gushy, on to the smut! Finally.  
  
Jimmy had just gotten home from a really long shift. All the lights in the apartment were out; the only light illuminating the place was the t.v. Just as he was going over to turn it off, he noticed Kim sitting on the couch staring at the screen. He slumped down next to her, looking at the t.v.  
  
"That last call was a real bitch. Took 5 hours to kill the last of the flames." Jimmy looked over to see Kim staring blankly into space, tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. Jimmy moved his hand into hers, "Hey, you alright?" he asked in concern.  
  
Kim blinked, coming out of whatever trance she was in and smiled at him brightly. A little too brightly, "Yeah, I'm good. I guess these infomercials are really frying my brain."  
  
Jimmy could tell something was up, but if he knew anything about his wife, it was that she didn't like being pushed. "What are you still doing up? I thought you would have been asleep by now."  
  
Kim smiled and moved closer to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "I was waiting for you." Kim nuzzled his cheek with her nose, "Are you alright?"  
  
Jimmy kissed her head, inhaling the smell of her shampoo. "Yeah, I'm good. Just achy." Jimmy looked towards Joey's room, "He get to sleep o.k.?"  
  
Kim kissed his neck lightly, "Yeah. Out like a light."  
  
" So, did everything go o.k. at the hospital?" Jimmy asked softly. He could tell she was acting a little off, but didn't know why.  
  
Kim didn't answer, but moved to straddle him. She cupped his face and kissed him, lightly licking his lips. Jimmy responded hesitantly. Now he really knew something was bothering her. She was pulling the avoidance card. Whenever they had a really rough shift, she tended to work it out physically. In short, she jumped his bones. Jimmy groaned at the feeling of her tongue dipping into his mouth. His hands reached up into her hair to cup her head and pull her closer. Kim started to rock in his lap and Jimmy put his hands on her waist. Kim pulled back and looked at him, smiling mischievously. She lowered her head and sucked on his earlobe, "Did you miss me?" she whispered, huskily.  
  
Jimmy moaned, the lust in her voice really turning him on, "I always miss you, baby," he whispered back, struggling to concentrate on her words.  
  
Jimmy felt her hand slide down his chest and start to rub him through his pants. He grunted when she squeezed, and moved her hand away, pulling her closer for a kiss. She pulled back and gave him a small smile, "It feels like you really missed me."  
  
Kim started to kiss his chest, connecting with a nipple and causing him to jerk. She chuckled and licked up till she reached his neck, "Mmm, you taste so good," she moaned.  
  
Jimmy knew he should stop her and ask her what had been making her cry, but she was making that task damn near impossible. There was no one that had this kind of effect on him. He felt her grind down on him and he moaned, making her laugh, "Shh, baby. You'll wake Joey."  
  
"And whose fault would that be," Jimmy smiled, watching her kiss down his chest. "Did something happen after you and Bobby left the scene, babe?" Jimmy felt Kim stiffen briefly, but relax again.  
  
Kim looked up at him and smiled coyly, " You know, thinking about Bobby while I'm kissing you really doesn't make me feel very appreciated, Jimmy."  
  
Jimmy smiled and kissed her, "Oh yeah, the thought of Bobby makes me really hot, didn't you know," he teased.  
  
"Mmm, the thought of you and Bobby makes me hot," she smiled, resuming her task of covering his whole body with kisses.  
  
"And here I thought you were trying to turn me on." Jimmy heard Kim giggle and smiled at the sound. He loved to hear her laugh. But he knew she was hiding something from him. "Seriously, did something happen."  
  
"You talk too much," Kim smiled, scooting down a little to kiss his stomach. She sat up again, pushing her weight onto his groin ,instinctively making him grab her waist and push up. "Ohh, baby. You feel so good against me," she whimpered, kissing him hard. Her hands snaked down and undid his belt, quickly undoing his fly. Jimmy caught her hands and moved them back up to his chest, " Whoa. Slow down, honey."  
  
Kim giggled and reached for his fly again, "No," she kissed him, wetly sliding her tongue in his mouth.  
  
Jimmy gently cupped her face and pulled back to look at her, "Why are you avoiding me?" he asked softly.  
  
Kim moaned in frustration and leaned forward to kiss him, but he pulled back, "Kimmy, I can tell something's wrong. Baby, talk to me," he whispered, looking intently into her eyes.  
  
Kim moved and buried her face in his neck, "Jimmy, come on. I really need you, baby. Please," she whispered nuzzling his throat.  
  
Jimmy considered caving and just making love to her like they both wanted, but that wouldn't solve anything. Okay, it wouldn't solve everything. He rubbed his hands over her back and pulled her close to him, "I love you," he whispered in her ear.  
  
His words, so achingly sweet, triggered something in her. Kim let out something between a laugh and a sob. Jimmy felt her whole body tense in effort not to cry. She snuggled deeper into his body. Jimmy felt a tear drop on his neck. "Shh, it's o.k. I'm right here," he whispered comforting nonsense in her ear, holding her tight.  
  
"She died," Kim choked out, still trying to keep from losing it completely.  
  
"Who, baby?" Jimmy felt slight panic. ' God I hope it wasn't her mom or something', he thought.  
  
"The little girl that Bobby and I transported to the hospital. She crashed in the bus and we got her heart beating again, but she died on the table not long after we got there." Kim cried into his shoulder.  
  
Jimmy closed his eyes and held her even closer. He had seen the little girl. She couldn't have been more than 4, maybe 5. Dark brown hair and the biggest dark brown eyes to match. She had seemed stable when they found her, just very scared. "What happened, sweetheart?" he asked gently.  
  
Kim sniffed, sitting up but not meeting his gaze, "The doctors said that there was really bad internal bleeding that they couldn't get to in time. They said it was a miracle she made it to the hospital." Jimmy rubbed one hand up and down her arm, the other, intertwined with hers. Kim looked up at him and laughed humorlessly, "I had to go out there and look at that little girl's mother and tell her that her baby was dead. I sat there and held her for, I don't even know how long, and there was nothing I could say to make any of this better." Tears fell from Kim's eyes like a waterfall. Jimmy reached up and wiped them away with his thumbs. "There was nothing I could do," Kim cried.  
  
"Oh, baby. Come here," Jimmy pulled her back to him and rubbed her back, soothing her tears away. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."  
  
Kim sniffed and looked up at him, " How do you do that? How do you always know when something's not right and help me deal with it?"  
  
Jimmy smiled, "It's a gift."  
  
Kim laughed and kissed him again. The kiss started out light, but was gaining some of the passion of some minutes before. Jimmy held her close, loving the way she melted into him. Melted for him. Kim didn't trust a lot of people, and never wanted anyone to help her, but he knew he was the only one that saw her like this. For everyone else she was always very together, very strong, it was one of the things he loved about his wife; always taking care of everyone. But even better, he liked being the one she opened up to, the only one she really trusted. He would never do anything to break that.  
  
Jimmy was brought back to the present when he heard Kim moan, "Jimmy, honey, I really need you." Kim kissed his neck.  
  
"Hmm, how badly do you need me?" he teased, smiling at her moan.  
  
"I need you so bad. I have this ache inside me, and I know you can make it go away." Kim slipped her hand into his pants, smiling when he pushed into her, "Feels like you need me too."  
  
" God, baby, that feels so good," he moaned as she pumped him. Jimmy dragged his head up from where it was resting on the couch, "You're a dangerous woman, you know that?"  
  
Kim smiled and got off his lap, laughing when he whimpered and grabbed at her. She crooked her finger at him, beckoning him to follow her, "You don't really want Joey waking up and finding us out here like this, do you? That could take years of therapy to heal."  
  
Jimmy laughed and followed after her, tackling her to the bed and making her squeal when he started tickling her. Somehow Jimmy ended up between her legs, looking down at her panting form, "No more! I can't," she panted out.  
  
Jimmy smiled and watched her calm down. She was so incredibly beautiful, "What did I ever do to deserve you?"  
  
Kim smiled and caressed his face, "You knocked me up."  
  
They both laughed, "So much for romance," he teased.  
  
"I love you," she whispered, stroking his face.  
  
"Say it again," he kissed her collarbone.  
  
"Mmm, I love you," Kim panted out.  
  
Jimmy kissed down her body, paying special attention to her breasts, loving the little whimpers she was making. He kissed and licked down her stomach until he reached the heat between her thighs. Jimmy was dangerously close to losing it, and wanted to make sure Kim was satisfied. He kissed her between her thighs, feeling her legs lightly grip his head and feeling her arch off the bed.  
  
Kim was going out of her mind. She was so close, but she wanted Jimmy inside her before she came. She opened her legs, which only served to make him suck on her harder, making her groan loudly. She pulled at his shoulders, "Jimmy, baby, stop. Stop, stop, stop," she panted, her breathing off the charts.  
  
Jimmy looked up at her with question. Kim pulled at him until he crawled up her body, kissing along the way. "I thought you were enjoying that," he whispered, kissing her on the mouth, making her moan.  
  
"I was, very much. But I'm so close," she licked at his lips.  
  
"I know, I could feel." Jimmy pulled back and brushed the hair out of her face, "Why'd you make me stop."  
  
"I wanna come with you inside me," she whispered, rubbing her foot against his calf.  
  
"You are so beautiful, Kim. So beautiful," Jimmy whispered looking into her eyes.  
  
Kim held his gaze while he pushed inside her. Her eyes were tearing it felt so good and she was so in love with this man. When he was fully inside her, she could no longer keep her eyes open. The sensations were too overwhelming.  
  
"Baby, open your eyes. I want to see you," he called to her.  
  
Kim forced her eyes open and locked onto his intense gaze. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and this time it wasn't out of sadness. "Do you have any idea how in love with you I am?" she whispered, their hands intertwining over her head.  
  
"Hopefully about as much in love with you as I am," he smiled down at her. He watched the emotions play across her face. He could tell when she was gonna come and sped up his thrusts. "Come for me, baby," he whispered.  
  
Those words were all it took to push her over the edge. She arched up off the bed, clutching Jimmy's hands tightly. Her mouth was open, but all that came out were broken whimpers. She felt Jimmy follow right after her, which triggered her again.  
  
Jimmy slumped down on to Kim, absolutely exhausted. He was still inside her and could feel her heart pounding against his chest. "I love you, Kimmy."  
  
Kim nuzzled her cheek against his, "I love you more."  
  
Jimmy began to move off her, but stopped when she moaned and clung to him, "Am I hurting you," he asked, concerned.  
  
"Yes. You're leaving."  
  
Jimmy smiled and leaned down to kiss her, "I don't wanna suffocate you, baby."  
  
"Mmm, I like how you feel against me, inside me" she purred, drifting off.  
  
Jimmy smiled, knowing she was falling asleep. He gently pulled out of her, causing her to moan in protest, "Shh, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere." He laid on his back and pulled her with him, smiling when he felt her snuggle up to him. He listened to the steady sound of her breathing as he drifted off to sleep.  
  
"Love you," she mumbled before falling asleep.  
  
Jimmy hugged her close and kissed her head, "I love you too."  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Hello! Did I make you hot? Please tell me I made you hot. Either way, it's out of my system now and it won't happen again. Maybe. ;) 


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Back to You- chapter 10 Disclaimer: How can I put this? I don't own Third Watch. There, that was pretty easy. Author's note: This chapter should clear up any confusion about chapter 9. I guess I just had to get it out of my system. ;)  
  
Jimmy slowly opened his eyes and surveyed his surroundings. He was on the couch and it was a little before 5:30 a.m. Damn, he was on the couch. Part of him actually expected to wake up and be in bed with his sexy ex-wife. That dream had been intense and quite vivid. His dreams about Kim seemed to be getting more and more real. Soon there would be Technicolor and surround sound involved. He remembered that night. It was about 2 years into their marriage. Joey was still really little, and the thought of ever being without Kim was absurd. He promised himself, and her, that he would never do anything to hurt her, and he did just that and more. Jimmy rubbed his eyes and tried to will the memory away.  
  
He was uncomfortably warm and more than a little turned on my the graphicness of the dream. He stood to stretch and went into the kitchen to start the coffee. Just as he had turned on the machine, he heard a shout come from his bedroom. Kim. An irrational fear seized his whole body. It's not as if anyone had gotten into his apartment, but he couldn't help but be scared when he heard her cry out. He jogged to the bedroom door and listened closely. He didn't hear anything, but that fear was still wrapped around his heart. He lightly knocked on the door, "Kimmy, are you alright?" he whispered, not wanting to wake Joey. He didn't hear any response. "Kim, I'm coming in," he warned, giving her the opportunity to tell him to get lost.  
  
He slowly opened the door and peeked inside. He saw Kim sitting up in bed, breathing hard, with tears running down her covered face. Jimmy moved to the side of the bed slowly, not wanting to scare her. It didn't seem as if she'd heard him at all.  
  
"Kimmy, are you alright?" Jimmy immediately regretted asking the question. 'Obviously she's not o.k. moron!' he cursed himself.  
  
Kim sniffed and wiped her face, looking at him and smiling, "Yeah, I'm o.k." she laughed. "I just.. I stubbed my toe when I got out of bed."  
  
Jimmy knew that was a load of crap. He could still see the tears swimming in her eyes that threatened to spill over. She was trying very hard to pull herself together. "You stubbed your toe?" Jimmy asked, unconvinced.  
  
Kim laughed, "Yeah. What a klutz, huh?"  
  
Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed next to her shaking form, "And that made you cry?" he asked softly.  
  
"Well, I stubbed it pretty bad, so." she trailed off, knowing she sounded like an idiot. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Why did he always insist on pushing?  
  
Jimmy had his back to her, and turned to look at her. She wouldn't meet his gaze, and fidgeted with the blanket. Jimmy put a finger under her chin and lifted her head to look at him. He watched a single tear fall down her cheek and wiped it away with a thumb. Kim couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, so she stared at his shoulder. Jimmy brushed a piece of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "How do you do that?" he asked softly.  
  
Kim looked at him with a knitted brow, "What," she asked shakily.  
  
"How do you manage to look so good in the morning after working hellish hours, taking care of your son, and waiting up late for me?" he asked sincerely.  
  
Kim let out a sob. Jimmy had this way of getting to her. He would say something so totally random, and it would melt her. She wasn't even sure that's what he meant to do. It sounded as if he was just really wondering. But he had a way of getting to her like no one else.  
  
Jimmy moved a little closer to her, cupping the side of her face, not wanting to push her, but really wanting to hold her. Kim moved into his arms and clung to him tightly. She cried quietly into his shoulder, not wanting to wake Joey and scare him.  
  
Jimmy smoothed her hair with his cheek and held her tightly. He thought about asking her what was wrong, but thought better of it and kept quiet, just softly calming her down with his voice.  
  
Kim pulled away and looked at him, "Sorry I got you all wet," she gestured to his shoulder.  
  
Jimmy smiled, "That toe must really hurt."  
  
Kim laughed and laid back against the pillows, closing her eyes, "I just wanna feel normal again."  
  
Jimmy sighed and smiled painfully, "You will. It'll take some time, but you're gonna be alright."  
  
Kim opened her eyes and looked at him, "What are you doing up so early?" A look of horror crossed her face, "I didn't wake you up did I?" she asked, afraid.  
  
Jimmy smiled, "No. Actually, I had an..interesting dream and couldn't go back to sleep," he averted his gaze.  
  
Kim smiled, "An interesting dream, huh?"  
  
Jimmy scratched the back of his head uncomfortably, "Yeah."  
  
Kim's thoughts drifted back to last night. Things had been pretty intimate last night, and she knew that the thought of sleeping together had crossed both of their minds. It had taken her an hour to fall asleep, forcing herself to stay put and not go back out there and beg him to take her. She could see that he was nervous and wondered if he had as difficult a time sleeping too.  
  
"Wanna tell me about it," she could clearly see that she was tormenting him, but he was so cute when he blushed. And she knew it took a lot for him to do so.  
  
Jimmy knew she knew he felt uncomfortable and was messing with him, "You wanna tell me what yours was about?" he teased back. He regretted it instantly when he saw her smile fade and her eyes water up, "Damn, Kim, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."  
  
Kim smiled through her blurry gaze, "No. It's alright. I just.. I'm so tired of being like this."  
  
Jimmy slipped his hand into hers, "I know, baby, but things will get better. Just give it some time."  
  
Kim smiled at the pet name he called her without even thinking. She used to love it when he called her that. Kim pulled on his hand, pulling him forward, "Come and lay with me."  
  
Jimmy heard the warning bells going off in his mind. He was still a little hot and bothered by his dream, and knew that laying next to his beautiful, gorgeous, sexy ex-wife, who featured in a few too many of his physical dreams, was a really, really bad plan. "Shower," he blurted out inanely.  
  
Kim smiled, "Jimmy, it's 6:00 on a Saturday morning. You don't have to work, and you don't have to be anywhere," she reminded him.  
  
"I could have very important things to do, you know. I'm a very popular guy," he teased back.  
  
"Jimmy, none of your girlfriends are even awake at this hour. How popular could you be?" she smiled.  
  
Jimmy feigned hurt, "Are you implying something Miss Zambrano?"  
  
Kim pulled until he fell next to her. They laughed and settled down into bed under the covers. The sun hadn't some up yet and the only light was from the street lights glaring off the snow. Jimmy thanked the high heavens that she was wearing sweats and not just her panties. That would have thrown him off the deep end. She was wearing a slightly skimpy tank- top that hugged her form perfectly though. Not that he was complaining. He felt her shiver in his arms.  
  
"It's the middle of December and you're wearing a what? What is that?" Jimmy pulled back and examined her more closely, smiling when she giggled.  
  
"It's a tankini, and I was hot when I fell asleep," Kim blushed at how he might take that. He, after all, did have something to do with the rise in her body heat.  
  
Jimmy knew he could hugely embarrass her right now, but decided against it. Instead he pulled the covers up higher over them and held her tighter. "Well, why don't you, me and your tankini get some more sleep?"  
  
Kim laughed and snuggled closer to him. They stayed silent for a while. Kim thought maybe he had fallen asleep, but she had to say it.  
  
"Jimmy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy opened his eyes and stared at the top of her head. "For what?" he asked.  
  
"Being there for me," she hugged him to her.  
  
Jimmy smiled and squeezed her back, "Anytime, baby."  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim reached out an arm in her sleep, unconsciously searching for the warm body that had been laying next to her. Her hand connected with the cold sheets and she leisurely opened her eyes. No Jimmy. She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was already 3:00. She hadn't been sleeping well lately, and with Jimmy right next to her, she'd been out like a light. Kim pulled on a sweatshirt and made her way into the living room to find her son on the couch watching cartoons.  
  
Kim slouched on the couch next to him, "Hey, baby."  
  
Joey smiled and snuggled into her, "Hi, Mom. You slept for a really long time."  
  
Kim laughed, "I know. How come no one came and woke me up?"  
  
"Dad told me that you needed to sleep and not to go in there and wake you up."  
  
"Where is your dad?" Kim asked, getting up to get some coffee.  
  
"He went out to get doughnuts for breakfast. I told him you liked the maple ones."  
  
"Mmm. Sounds good."  
  
Just then Jimmy walked in the door with a big pink box in his hands, the paper under his arm, and the mail in his mouth.  
  
Kim walked up to him and took the mail, "Look how handy he is. Multi- tasking and everything," she teased.  
  
Jimmy smiled and set the doughnuts down, "You better watch it or no maple bar for you. I mean, you really shouldn't have it anyway, it'll go straight to your hips."  
  
Kim gasped in mock horror, "Are you calling me fat?!"  
  
"If the oversized pants fit," he winked.  
  
Kim turned around and filled a cup with water. She looked at him and smiled evilly. "You wouldn't dare." Jimmy warned.  
  
"Oh no? What are you gonna do to me?"  
  
"Throw that water and you'll wish you were never born, fatty," Jimmy slanted his eyes.  
  
"Throw it, Mom! Throw it," Joey yelled, completely enjoying this spectacle.  
  
"Oh I don't know Joey. Maybe we should give your dad a break. He did go out and get us breakfast."  
  
Jimmy smiled and turned around, "That's right, bud. I'd be nice to your old dad if you want those sprinkles."  
  
"But he called you fat, Mom! You have to get him," Joey bounced around.  
  
Jimmy turned and looked at Kim. He was dead. "You're right," she smiled and threw the water in his face.  
  
Everything was quiet for a second. Joey's eyes were wide open, wanting to see what happened next. Kim's hands were on her hips, watching in satisfaction as the water dipped from his face. She watched Jimmy open his eyes. "Oh, you're gonna get it now!"  
  
Kim screamed and ran into the living room, making it to the other side of the couch before Jimmy caught her. He was on one side and Kim on the other with Joey bouncing up and down, rooting for his mom.  
  
"Not so tough now without the water are ya?" Jimmy taunted her.  
  
Kim squealed as he jumped over the couch and grabbed at her. They were once again on opposite sides. "Getting slow in your old age, James?" Kim laughed.  
  
Jimmy glared at her. She knew he hated that name. Only his mother called him that, and it was always in a tone that made him want to kill himself. "You're goin' down, baby!" Jimmy chased Kim around the couch and dodged the pillow she was hitting him with. Right when she raised her arms to hit him again, he lunged at her and grabbed her around the middle, sending them both crashing onto the couch. He started tickling her mercilessly. She was laughing and screaming and trying to fend him off.  
  
"Joey, help me!" she screamed.  
  
Joey dove on to Jimmy back and tried to pull him down. "Hey! Two against one? No fair!," he laughed flipping Joey over his shoulder and next to Kim. Joey was laughing so hard he rolled off the couch onto the floor, his dad tickling him to death.  
  
"Mom! Mom, please! Help me!" he gasped out.  
  
Kim jumped on his back and tried to pull him off. Jimmy grabbed her legs and stood up. Kim yelped and grabbed around his neck so she wouldn't fall. Jimmy laughed as he watched Joey still laughing and trying to catch his breath. He still had a tight grip on Kim's legs, so she couldn't get away.  
  
"Whoo, boy! I'm tired. I think I'm gonna sit," he announced, falling back onto the couch, squashing Kim behind him.  
  
"Oh god! Jimmy, let me up! You're too heavy!" she laughed and tried to push him off her.  
  
"I told you not to throw that water, but no! Now, I'm tired and you have to pay."  
  
"Jimmy, you're too heavy! I can't breathe!" she mock gasped.  
  
"That's not what you used to say when I was on top of you," Jimmy teased.  
  
Kim turned five shades of red and covered his mouth with her hand. "Will you be quiet! There are children present!" she whispered, giggling.  
  
"He's not even listening. He wouldn't know what that means anyway," Jimmy laughed.  
  
"He's 10, not stupid."  
  
They laughed and bickered some more while they calmed down. Joey climbed up on Jimmy's lap causing Kim to groan. Jimmy laughed, "I think we actually might kill her if you sit on me, champ."  
  
" Can I have my doughnut now?" Joey asked.  
  
"What makes you think you get a doughnut? You took sides against me." Jimmy tried to be serious.  
  
"Aw, come on, Dad! I had to. Mom's weak. I had to defend her."  
  
"Hey!" Kim protested.  
  
Jimmy laughed and relented, "Oh, all right."  
  
Joey hugged his parents, "I wish every morning was like this," he said before rushing off into the kitchen.  
  
Jimmy's smile faltered, and he felt Kim tense up a little behind him. He noticed they were in a similar position as the other night. He was between her legs, leaning against her. "While you're back there, might as well give me a massage," he teased, trying to re-lighten the mood.  
  
Kim laughed and pushed at him, "Yeah right."  
  
"Hey, I deserve it. I was ganged up on," he pouted.  
  
"Ohhh, poor baby. Come here," she cooed at him. She reached under his shirt and rubbed up and down his back.  
  
"That's right poor baby. I bring you people doughnuts and get ambushed." Jimmy's hands were still gripped under knees.  
  
Kim smiled and rested her chin on his shoulder, "Thank you for this morning," Kim whispered, seriously.  
  
"Anytime you need to be tickled, let me know," he smiled.  
  
Kim laughed and slapped his shoulder, "I meant, thanks for staying with me and not making me feel as pathetic as I am."  
  
Jimmy smiled and nuzzled his head against her cheek, "You're not pathetic. You're an extremely strong person and I was serious when I said you'd be o.k."  
  
Kim wrapped her arms around his waist under his shirt, "You make me feel safe," she whispered and kissed his shoulder.  
  
Jimmy squeezed her arms, "I'm glad."  
  
They stayed that way for a while before Jimmy spoke, "I'm gonna go get a doughnut before our son eats them all."  
  
Kim laughed and watched him get up, "Yeah, that's a good idea. I have a maple bar with my name on it."  
  
Jimmy turned and looked at her with a quirked eyebrow, "Are you kidding me? You definitely don't get a doughnut," he laughed and dodged a pillow. @@@@@@@  
  
I hope that helped!=) 


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Back to You- chapter 11 Disclaimer: If I owned Third Watch, I would be so rich. But I don't. And I'm not.  
  
@@@@@@@  
Kim had taken Joey to the park after their morning adventure and they'd spent the day running around and having fun. Kim had been in a really good mood lately and she knew if she examined it too closely, she would find out it had something to do with Jimmy. So, she was happy to live in her little land of denial where everything was the same and she just happened to think about her drop-dead gorgeous ex-husband a little more in her spare time. That was when they weren't flirting with one another.  
  
It was getting late and she and Joey were getting hungry, so she decided to take him home and actually cook a meal for her son and Jimmy. Maybe she'd make lasagna. It was Jimmy's favorite.  
  
She chased Joey up the stairs and they burst into the apartment. "Hey, is that you guys?" Jimmy hollered from the bathroom.  
  
"No. It's your other son and ex wife," Kim hollered back, teasing him. He poked his head out of the bathroom and gave her a look.  
  
Kim walked to stand in the bathroom door. Jimmy was wearing a pair of black dress pants, and was in the middle of buttoning up a white silk shirt. He looked beautiful. "What are you getting all dolled up for? Got a hot date," she smirked.  
  
"Actually, yeah," he smirked back and turned to face her. "So. How do I look?"  
  
Kim almost didn't hear the question. She had teased him about the date thing because she didn't know he really had one. She had been thinking while she had been in the park with Joey. Things had been going really great between them. She even admitted that she still was hugely attracted to her ex. It almost felt like they were a family again. Almost. Except he was going on a date. "Kim, you alright?" he asked with concern.  
  
Kim broke out of her thoughts and plastered a smile on her face. "Uh, yeah. I guess I just zoned there for a minute."  
  
"Well, I do have quite a powerful effect on women," he winked.  
  
Kim turned away, forcing a laugh from herself, " Be careful, your head might explode."  
  
Jimmy followed her out to the living room. "So you never answered me. How do I look."  
  
"I think your ego is big enough without me telling you how good you look," Kim laughed and put some distance between herself and Jimmy. She went into the kitchen to see if she had the supplies for lasagna. What she was really doing was hiding behind the counter so he couldn't get close to her.  
  
Jimmy noticed she was acting a little strange. She was acting like he had cooties or something, trying to get as far away from him as possible. "Hey. Are you alright?"  
  
Kim smiled brightly. A little too brightly. "Yeah, I'm good. I was just checking to see if we have the stuff for lasagna."  
  
Just then, Joey burst into the kitchen, "Lasagna?! Are we having lasagna, Mom?" he asked excitedly.  
  
Kim laughed weakly, "Yeah, baby. If we have all the stuff for it."  
  
"Mom's making your favorite, Dad! Do you think we could watch a movie tonight, after dinner," he jumped around.  
  
Jimmy laughed, "I think those doughnuts went right to your head kiddo. I wish I could stay, but I'm going somewhere tonight."  
  
Joey calmed down considerably. If Jimmy or Kim didn't have to work lately, they would stay home together and watch movies or play games. "But Dad, it's your favorite."  
  
"Joey, it's alright. It'll just be you and me tonight okay? We'll watch whatever you want. Well, maybe not whatever, but I promise, we'll have fun," she tried to cheer him up.  
  
Jimmy grabbed a chair and sat down, bringing Joey towards himself, "We'll watch movies together tomorrow night, okay?"  
  
"But mom has to work tomorrow night," Joey said in a small voice.  
  
Jimmy looked to Kim for some help, but she had her back to him. "Okay, well, we'll do it the night after that."  
  
"Whatever," Joey groused and stalked away.  
  
Jimmy watched as his disappointed son walked away. Kim sighed and turned to look at him. "He'll be okay, Jimmy. He's just a little upset. Go finish getting ready for your date. I'll take him down to the movie store."  
  
Jimmy watched her get Joey into his coat and boots. He hated the thought of his son upset with him, but he needed his life back. "I shouldn't be too late tonight. I'll come and say goodnight to you when I get home."  
  
"Okay," Joey said sadly. It was almost enough to make him call of the date, but he watched them walk out the door and slumped on the couch, waiting for his date.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
It had been a week since Jimmy's date with Tina. Things had been different in the house. Joey had eventually forgiven him, but wasn't thrilled with the idea of meeting dad's new chick. Kim had been distant all week. Jimmy couldn't figure out why. She hardly talked to him, and when she did, she couldn't seem to look him in the eye.  
  
It wasn't even that he really liked Tina all that much. I mean, she was beautiful and..well, he couldn't think of much else to say about her. She was your stereotypical dumb blonde. Very into her looks and mainly herself. She had tried to get Jimmy to come home with her, but he made the excuse that he had to go home to his son. She found that all the more endearing and begged to see him again. He even went as far as to explain his delicate living situation, but that seemed to make him look all the more sensitive and attractive to her. Usually he would never mention that he had ever been married or had a kid. At least not on the first date. With a girl like her, he'd go out with for one purpose, and one purpose only. To get laid. Disturbingly, he hadn't even tried to get her to sleep with him, not that it would have taken any work. He had met her while cooling down at Haggerty's with the boys. She had come up to him and started flirting. He asked her out and she said yes.  
  
The only reason he was going out with her was to get his life back. It wasn't that Joey and Kim cramped his lifestyle. On the contrary. He loved having his son with him everyday. And waking up knowing Kim was there, sometimes right there next to him, was amazing. He was getting so used to having her back in his life like that and he knew it wasn't going to last. He was starting to have strong feelings for her again, and he could absolutely not have that happen. She would hate him and never talk to him again.  
  
So, here he was, listening to Tina ramble on about god knows what, waiting for Kim to come home so she could watch Joey  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim was deep in thought on her way home. Things had gotten decidedly weird with her still living with Jimmy while he dated other girls. He had every right to, it wasn't like they were together. Kim didn't want to acknowledge the fact that seeing Jimmy with another woman ate her up inside. She knew she was getting too confused about what was going on between them and that something needed to change. Worse yet, was Joey was getting confused. He was getting too comfortable seeing both of his parents together every night. She needed to make a change before he really got hurt. She knew what she had to do. God give her the strength to do it.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim walked in to the apartment and was met by her son who grabbed her around the waist and hung on for dear life. Kim laughed and kissed his head, "I guess you really missed me today."  
  
Joey looked up and gave her a tortured look, "Dad's new girlfriend is here," he said and made a face.  
  
Kim peeked into the living room, but couldn't see anything. "I take it you don't like her?" Kim smiled at her sons' look of disgust.  
  
"She talks to much and treats me like a baby. Mom, I'm almost ten! I hate her!"  
  
Kim knelt down and looked into his eyes, "Baby, you shouldn't say that. You don't even know her."  
  
"She's annoying, Mom. I can't help it!"  
  
Kim chuckled at her sons' distress, "Maybe she's just nervous about meeting you. I'm sure she's a very nice person, otherwise your dad wouldn't like her, right?"  
  
"I guess," Joey pouted.  
  
"Why don't you come with me and we'll watch some t.v. in the bedroom?"  
  
"Okay!" Joey brightened.  
  
Just when she thought she was safe, a high pitched voice caught her off guard. "Oh! You must be Jimmy's ex-wife, Kim! It's so great to meet you! I'm Tina!"  
  
Kim was overwhelmed by this woman's perkiness. "Uh. yeah. Sorry to bother you. I was just taking my son in the bedroom to watch cartoons."  
  
"Oh, god! That's no bother! Ever since Jimmy told me about you, I've been wanting to meet you. Joey is the sweetest little thing!" she nearly squealed.  
  
"Yeah, he's a pretty great kid," Kim smiled politely. Maybe Joey was right. This woman was really annoying. Kim looked around for some excuse to leave, but Jimmy walked in right then.  
  
Jimmy entered the kitchen to find his new (cringe) girlfriend chatting up his majorly uncomfortable looking ex-wife. This was way too weird. Aside from Brooke, Kim had never really met any of the girls he went out with. "Oh, I see you two have already met."  
  
"Oh yeah, we're old friends," Tina giggled and playfully smacked Kim on the arm.  
  
Kim smiled and looked at Jimmy, "You guys can head out if you want," she hopefully suggested.  
  
Just then Joey darted into the room, "You're leaving, Dad?"  
  
"Yeah, bud. Tina and I are going out to dinner."  
  
Joey pouted, "But I thought once Mom got here, we could watch a movie."  
  
Before either Kim or Jimmy could say anything, Tina piped up, "Hey, that sounds like fun. You know Jimmy, we can just stay in tonight if you want. I'd like to get to know Kim and this cutie-pie," she smiled, ruffling Joey's hair.  
  
Kim was trying to conceal her look of horror. "Tina, I already made reservations," Jimmy protested, trying to spare Kim and Joey the agony.  
  
"Nonsense. Come on, Joey. Let's go pick out a movie to watch," she smiled and drug Joey into the living room.  
  
The night was dragging on forever. Joey had excused himself from the table and went to play in his room. Tina was yammering on and on about everything under the sun. She finally came around to the dreaded subject: Kim and Jimmy.  
  
"So, how long were you guys married,?" she asked.  
  
Kim nervously fidgeted with her flannel shirt while Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck, looking around for some diversion, "Um.. four years," he answered uncomfortably.  
  
"Wow! That's a pretty long time. Did he snag you or did you snag him," Tina chuckled and asked Kim.  
  
"Oh god, I don't even remember," she lied. "We just worked together and it kind of happened." Kim stood and started clearing the table. "Why don't I start the dishes."  
  
"Well, as we both know, he can be very charming," Tina giggled and kissed him.  
  
Kim made some sort of noncommittal sound and rushed into the kitchen. She could hear Jimmy's low voice and Tina's annoying high-pitched giggle. 'God, someone please shoot me!'  
  
Kim returned to the table to gather more dishes when Joey made a reappearance. Joey pulled Tina's arms off of Jimmy. "Hey, champ. Can you say excuse me?"  
  
"Can we watch the movie now, Dad?" he asked, completely ignoring what his father had said.  
  
"Joey, that was rude. You not a little kid anymore. You know better than to treat people like that," Jimmy stated.  
  
"I don't have to say sorry to her! She's not my mom!" he burst out. "She's just your dumb new girlfriend!"  
  
"Joey!" Kim and Jimmy yelled, both in shock. Joey's eyes filled with tears and he ran off to his room. Kim turned and looked at Tina, "I'm really sorry about that."  
  
Tina looked a little shocked, "That's alright. It'll just take some time for him to get used to me."  
  
Kim wasn't so sure that was the case though. She looked at Jimmy, "I'll go talk to him and get out of your way. I'll just do the dishes later."  
  
Jimmy nodded but grabbed Kim's wrist gently when she walked by, "Are you sure you don't want me to talk to him now?"  
  
"No. He's probably just tired and you have company," she smiled at Tina. "It'll be fine. You can talk to him later."  
  
Jimmy watched as Kim walked into the bedroom and before he knew it, Tina was at it again, talking her mouth off. Jimmy wondered if it was such a good idea for him to have her around if it upset Joey so much. It wasn't like he needed Joey to like her, he didn't really like her much himself. And the only thing he could think about the whole night is how much he still wanted Kim. 


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Back to You- chapter 12 Disclaimer: Anyone who says I own Third Watch is lying. And very disturbed. Author's Note: Thanks to everyone once again for taking such an interest in my story. A special thanks and warm fuzzies to jimbosJS and Janie. I really appreciate the support.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim stood in front of Joey's door, just staring at it. She had been right. All the confusion that she had been feeling lately had also been felt by their son. She had to do something about that. And she would.  
  
Kim slowly opened the door and saw Joey sit up quickly on the bed, rubbing at his face furiously, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying. Kim knew better.  
  
"Hey sweetie," Kim soothed gently, moving to sit on the bed next to him. "You wanna tell me what all that was about out there?" she asked, smoothing his hair away from his flushed face.  
  
Joey shook his head slowly and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. He refused to look his mom in the eye, but Kim could see his little chin quivering, fighting bravely not to cry.  
  
Kim sighed and put her arm around his shoulders. Her heart was breaking for her son. Joey snuggled into her side, still hiding his face. "Am I in trouble?," he asked in a small voice.  
  
"Well, being rude to Tina is unacceptable. You know you're not supposed to treat people that way, Joey," Kim said, still playing with his hair.  
  
Joey finally pulled away to look at Kim, "Am I gonna be grounded?" he asked softly.  
  
"No baby, you're not grounded, but you do have to apologize for your behavior," Kim brushed the wetness off his cheek. "Joey, I love you. You know that you can talk to me if something is bothering you, right?" Kim questioned. She already had a pretty good idea of what was bothering him, but she wanted him to talk to her.  
  
Joey slowly nodded his head, looking conflicted. "I didn't mean to be rude, but she's getting in the way," he struggled to explain.  
  
Kim scooted off the bed, on to the floor so that she was right in his line of sight, which happened to be on a spot on the floor, not far from his feet. "Who's getting in the way of what, honey?"  
  
"Tina. I like things the way they are with you and dad and she's messing it up. You and dad are never here at the same time anymore cuz he's always with her. And he's never here to watch movies and play games anymore," Joey rushed out, trying his hardest not to cry.  
  
Kim took hold of his legs gently, "Honey, you know me and your dad aren't together again, right?" Joey stayed silent, but bit down on his bottom lip while he nervously played with his shirt. Kim's eyes were getting misty themselves. It hurt to see her baby in so much pain. Pain she could have avoided had she been a stronger person.  
  
"Joey, I care about your dad very much and he's been a big help to me after I got hurt, but we aren't together anymore."  
  
"But he makes you feel safe, and he makes you laugh, and I like it when we're all home watching movies, and I don't like him with her," Joey cried.  
  
Kim pulled Joey into her arms and held him tight, rocking back and forth, whispering soothing words to him. When she felt him calm she continued, "I love your dad, Joey, but we can't be together. When we are, we fight and make each other feel bad, and I know that makes you feel bad." She felt Joey's head nod against her chest. "But we're friends and that's good." Kim tilted Joey's face to look at her, " One thing will never change though. We both love you more than anything."  
  
"But can't you try to love him? Just a little?," Joey asked quietly.  
  
Kim's eyes filled with real tears this time. Could she try to love him? That was exactly what she was trying not to do, because it would be so easy. "Honey, I will always love your dad because he gave me you, and I love you so much," she kissed his head.  
  
Joey looked up at his mom and gave her a small smile, "Do you love me a million billion?"  
  
Kim's laugh wobbled from her tears, "I love you a million, billion, trillion. Do you love me a million, billion, trillion?"  
  
"I love you a million, billion, trillion, gazillion," Joey laughed and hugged his mom.  
  
Kim turned serious again, "You know that your dad loves you, right baby?" Joey shrugged. Kim looked him in the eyes, "Don't you ever think that he doesn't, sweetie. Daddy loves you more than anybody on the planet."  
  
Joey gave his mom a mischievous smile, "Even more than Tina?"  
  
Kim laughed and tackled him to the ground with tickles, "Yeah, way more than Tina!" Kim laughed as she continued to attack her son, who was begging for her to stop.  
  
Eventually, things settled down and she tucked Joey into bed, kissing him goodnight, again reminding him how much she loved him.  
  
He fell asleep fast, emotionally taxed. Just as she was tip-toeing away, she noticed Jimmy leaning against the doorframe, with a turbulent look on his face. Jimmy stepped back and Kim shut the door behind her. "Hey," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy leaned against the wall opposite Joey's door. "Did he get to sleep okay?" Jimmy whispered back.  
  
Kim was a little confused. She figured either Tina would still be here, or he would have gone to her place tonight. "Yeah, out like a light." Kim looked down the hall and back at him, "Did Tina leave already?"  
  
Jimmy rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, "She left not too long after you went to talk to Joey."  
  
"Oh, Jimmy, I'm really sorry about that. I hope she wasn't too upset."  
  
"Actually, she was. But that was only after I asked her to go."  
  
Kim didn't know what to say to that so she stayed silent and went back to fidgeting with the hem of her flannel shirt. Well, one solved mystery. Joey definitely got that habit from her.  
  
The silence was becoming unbearable and Kim felt like an idiot standing in the hall and not looking at him. "Well, I guess I'm gonna head to bed. Long night and all." Kim moved down the hall to Jimmy's room.  
  
"He thinks I don't love him," Jimmy said quietly, but loud enough for her to catch, the devastation clear in his voice. It wasn't a question he was asking, it was a statement.  
  
Kim turned and walked back to him. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he stared at a spot on the floor, not far away from his feet. Mystery number 2 solved. Joey got that habit from his dad.  
  
"Jimmy, that's not what he said," Kim gently put a hand on his arm.  
  
"You asked him if he knew that I loved him, and he didn't answer, Kim. It's just as bad," he rasped, his voice hoarse with emotion.  
  
Kim had to get out of this hallway. She walked down the hall to the living room, pulling him behind her. The t.v. was on and the kitchen light was on, but other than that the place was pretty dim. Kim sat on the couch and looked up at Jimmy who just stood there looking lost. Kim pulled at his pant leg and he slumped on to the couch facing the t.v.  
  
"How much did you hear?" Kim asked quietly.  
  
"I came in about where you started to explain to him why we aren't together." Jimmy looked at her slowly. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you, but I heard him crying," he tried to explain.  
  
Kim turned her body to face him. "No, it's okay. Jimmy, he knows that you love him, he was just upset. So much has happened in the last couple months and I think that he just feels a little threatened by your new girlfriend." The word felt gross in her mouth. But this wasn't about that. This was about helping Jimmy understand his son. "Just give it some time. I'm sure he'll get used to her in a while." Kim plastered an encouraging smile on her face.  
  
"Well, he won't have to worry about it because I'm not going to call her back," Jimmy stated.  
  
"Jimmy, really, give it some time. It will get better." She couldn't believe she was actually suggesting that.  
  
Jimmy looked and Kim, "Kim, Tina's not important to me. My son is. If he feels threatened by her, she's gone. I don't want him to think that I would choose her, or anybody, over him. Besides, I didn't really like her anyway."  
  
Kim's brow furrowed. He had seemed to like her a lot. They had seemed pretty cozy together after dinner, and he had said she was a lot of fun. Whatever that meant, she really didn't wanna know. "Than why..never mind, stupid question," Kim shook her head.  
  
"What?" Jimmy looked at her quizzically.  
  
"I was gonna ask why you kept going out with her than, but I'm guessing she didn't put out on the first date," Kim smiled wryly.  
  
Jimmy actually cracked a smile at that, "What can I say, she isn't like you," he jabbed back.  
  
Kim gasped in mock horror, "Are you calling me easy?"  
  
Jimmy chuckled, "If the shoe fits." he laughed and dodged a pillow. "Really Kim, is that all you think I have on my agenda?"  
  
"No asshole, I know that's all you have on your agenda," she smirked.  
  
They exchanged a few more insults, but became quiet again. Kim looked at Jimmy, "He knows you love him, Jimmy," he looked at her, "he knows."  
  
Jimmy's hand reached for hers and he squeezed it lightly. "I'll make sure he does," he vowed. They remained quiet for a while until Kim spoke.  
  
"You think maybe this is messing with his head?" Kim asked.  
  
Jimmy looked at her worriedly, "What?"  
  
Kim shrugged her shoulders and pulled her had away. "This. Us. Being together under one roof all the time. Him seeing us together."  
  
Jimmy really didn't like where this conversation was going, but he knew she might be right. He knew the whole thing was messing with his own head, he couldn't imagine what it was doing to his son's. Still, he couldn't bear the thought of them leaving. Either one. "Maybe things are just a little unclear and we should sit down and explain some things to him."  
  
Kim looked at her hands and felt those damned tears gathering in the back of her eyes. "Jimmy, I can't even explain things to myself. How am I supposed to explain them to him?"  
  
Jimmy felt a sensation of dread well in his stomach. Any minute she was gonna suggest that they go back to the way things were before, and the thought scared him. And the fact that the thought scared him, really scared the shit out of him. It would be bad to go back to only seeing Joey 3 days out of the week, but it would be really bad not to see Kim at all. Not to see her in the morning when he woke up. Not to see her waiting up on the couch, late at night for him when he got off his shift. Not smell her smell when he walked into the apartment. He couldn't go back to that again. "We'll figure something out. Then it won't be so confusing for him to see us both together." Jimmy heard Kim sigh and he looked at her, really looked at her for the first time. She had tears running down her cheeks and she was nervously playing with her hands, which signaled she was really upset. What had he said that had upset her so much? Jimmy scooted close to her and tilted her face to look at him. "Hey, baby, what's the matter," he asked softly as he wiped away her tears.  
  
Hearing him call her that made her want to throw her arms around him and never let go. She looked at him and realized it was too late. She had already done what Joey wanted, and want she absolutely did not. She was falling back in love with him little by little and if she didn't do something fast, she would end up completely drowned. She tried to fight everything in herself that was telling her to move into his arms, but failed. Maybe they could make it work. Maybe all her fighting was for nothing. Maybe he really was different and they could handle it this time. Maybe she could give Joey what he wanted after all. Kim nuzzled her face into his hand and kissed his palm. Jimmy didn't move away, so that was a good sign. In fact, he seemed to have moved a little closer. She closed her eyes and felt his lips on her forehead, an act he always did to calm her. Or maybe it was to calm himself. She cupped his face in her hands and brushed a thumb over his lips. "Isn't this a little confusing for you?" she whispered, searching his eyes, wanting him to say he was as miserable without her as she was without him. And being close to her, but not having her was too much to bear.  
  
Jimmy was so close to kissing her, it felt like his whole body was screaming. He was so close to begging her to take him back. To getting on his knees and pleading with her to never leave. But he couldn't show her that, because if he did, that's exactly what she would do. Leave. She couldn't know how he felt. Not if he wanted her to stay. And he did. He was determined not to scare her away.  
  
"Kim, we'll figure something out. It's not as confusing as you make it seem. He knows that you got hurt and that I want to help."  
  
And with that, the moment died. Brutally. Kim pulled away from him slowly, the small, hopeful smile that was on her face, quickly dying also. That was all this was for him. Help. All the confusion and mixed feelings had been completely one sided. Kim cleared her throat and forced out a chuckle, "You make it sound so simple," she said, giving him one last chance to tell her what she wanted to hear. Maybe she was giving herself one more chance.  
  
"It is simple. I care about you and want to make sure that you're okay. He knows we still care about each other, right?" he asked.  
  
Kim fought back the onslaught of tears she felt coming, "Right. I guess it is that simple."  
  
Jimmy couldn't understand why she still seemed upset. Telling her his intentions were completely noble usually made her feel better. It was a complete lie, telling her it was simple, because it couldn't have been more complicated for him, but he loved her. If taking care of her was as much as she would allow, he would take it.  
  
Kim stood shakily and looked down at him. "Well, it's pretty late. We should probably get some sleep."  
  
"Are you sure? We could watch a movie or something," Jimmy suggested, hoping to stall her.  
  
She had to get away from him before she started to sob uncontrollably. She could feel herself falling apart. "Naw, I'm sleepy and we have work tomorrow."  
  
Jimmy still couldn't figure out what that look in her eyes meant. "Kim, did I say something wrong," he asked with worry to her retreating form.  
  
Kim turned to look at him, "No Jimmy. Everything you said was right," she smiled weakly and disappeared down the hall, leaving both in complete misery. 


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Back to You- chapter 13 Disclaimer: Are you really gonna make me say it? Alright, fine. Third Watch does not belong to me. Author's Note: Hey everybody. I know it's been forever since my last update. I had finals and then I just had my wisdom teeth pulled so if this chapter makes no sense, it's cuz I'm all hopped up on Vicodin, and steroids and some other little pill. Or maybe cuz I suck. I'll stick to blaming it on the drugs. Anywhoo, my psycho-babble is getting out of control. I just wanted to thank everyone for your support and encouragement. Hope you enjoy!;)  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Jimmy woke up the next morning to find his apartment empty. He found a note from Kim saying she had dropped Joey off at school and would see him later at work. He groaned at the thought of work. He had hardly slept at all, thinking about the previous night's weird events. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had done something to upset Kim, but couldn't figure out what it was.  
  
Three o'clock finally rolled around and Jimmy walked into work a determined man. He really needed to talk to Kim, so he was going to ask her to dinner, whether she liked it or not. He should have just been honest with her last night, but he was afraid. After thinking about it though, he was more afraid of never having a chance with her again than concerned about being quiet. In the midst of his planning, he ran in to said ex-wife.  
  
"Oh. Hey Jimmy," Kim smiled nervously. She was hoping to avoid him until that night so she could get her thoughts together.  
  
Jimmy smiled and pulled her aside, "I hope you don't have any plans tonight because I'm taking you out to dinner," Jimmy stated matter-of- factly. Nervously, he tried to gauge her reaction, but all he could tell was that she looked deep in thought. After an awkward period of silence, Jimmy could no longer stand it. "You know, at this point, a person is either supposed to accept or make some cheesy excuse to get out of it," he smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "So which one will you be giving me?"  
  
Kim shook her head out of her daze and smiled at Jimmy. "To what do I owe the great, and may I say rare, honor of you spending money on me?"  
  
Jimmy laughed in relief, glad that she seemed to be open to the idea. "Well, when you put it like that you make me sound so cheap."  
  
"You don't need me to say anything to make you sound cheap, you are," she smiled, trying to keep the mood lighter than she felt.  
  
"Alright, insult me much more and I might have to retract my offer," Jimmy smiled faded a little, "So. can I count you in for tonight? There's kinda some stuff I need to talk to you about and I'm only telling you that now so you hold me to it later."  
  
Kim frowned, trying to understand what Jimmy was getting at, "That's a little cryptic, don't you think? Why don't you just tell me now?"  
  
Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck nervously and laughed, "If I did that, it'd ruin the element of surprise."  
  
Just then, the siren went off, calling both of them back to the real world. "I guess it's time to save the world," Kim smiled and started off.  
  
Jimmy grabbed her arm lightly and turned her around, "You never gave me an answer about tonight," he smiled, trying not to seem as pathetic as he knew he was.  
  
Kim nervously looked down at her shoes, but forced herself to look him in the eye, " Tonight works for me. I have some things that I need to talk to you about too."  
  
Jimmy's stomach did a flop. What if she felt the same way about him too? He forced himself to stay neutral. No sense in jumping the gun. "O.k., great. So, I'll meet you back here at the end of the shift?"  
  
Kim smiled sadly, "Yeah." She watched as Jimmy ran to get ready to ride out and quietly hoped to herself he wouldn't hate her after tonight.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Jimmy's night ended a little earlier than Kim's, so he decided to go home, take a shower, and change before they went to dinner. The last call had been a tough one and he felt like he had an inch of dirt all over him. Jimmy told D.K. to tell Kim that he would be back in a flash in case she got back before he did.  
  
Kim dragged her tired body into the station, completely drained of any energy. She had been worrying about how to tell Jimmy what was going on all day, and the last patient had taken an extra long time to get settled. Heading upstairs, she heard D.K. call her name.  
  
"Jimmy wanted me to tell you that he would be back soon. Last call was a pain in the ass, so he wanted to go home and clean up. So, you and Jimmy got a hot date tonight," he smiled.  
  
Kim's head was spinning, "Did you say Jimmy went home?" Kim asked, hoping that she had heard him wrong.  
  
"Yeah, but he should be back any minute, he left a while ago," D.K. answered, not understanding the look of panic that came over Kim's face.  
  
"Oh god! He said that we would meet back here," Kim slumped to the stairs, oblivious to D.K.'s worried look.  
  
"Kim, take it easy. He'll be back soon. He just-" he trailed off at the sight of Kim's retreating form.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Kim had taken a long shower to try and relieve some of her tension, but it didn't work. She dressed slowly, not in any rush to see Jimmy. She finally emerged from the bathroom and sat on her bunk, leaning over, head in hands. She had no idea if Jimmy was back or not, and really was in no hurry to find out. There wasn't any way that he had missed what she had done, was there?  
  
"So, you gonna from me all night, or are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on?" Jimmy's voice shook, trying to stay in control.  
  
Kim looked up and saw Jimmy standing in the doorway, arms crossed, looking positively livid. Kim sighed and pushed her hair back from her face. "What do you mean?" Kim asked, hoping one last time that he hadn't really caught on.  
  
"What the hell do you think I mean?! I walk in to the apartment, go into your room to take a shower, and all your stuff is gone! I called your mom's house, but she won't tell me a damn thing, telling me that I need to talk to you."  
  
Kim stood and played with the hem of her shirt, "So you noticed that, huh?" Kim tried to smile, but failed miserably.  
  
Jimmy's head was about to explode. He had planned on telling Kim how he felt tonight, went home, found her stuff missing, and now she was acting like nothing was going on. Jimmy moved closer to her and lifted her chin gently, forcing her to look at him. "Kim, if you don't tell me what's going on in the next few seconds, my head is gonna burst. Why is all your stuff gone from the apartment?"  
  
Kim backed away a little, trying to steady herself. "Maybe we should sit," she suggested and moved back to her bunk, watching as Jimmy sat across from her. She took his hands in hers and finally looked him in the eye, "I wanted a chance to tell you before you found out on your own. I didn't think you would go home first."  
  
Jimmy was losing patience, "Wanted a chance to tell me what?! Kim, I have no idea what is going on!"  
  
Kim sighed, "I know I should have told you before I did it," Kim looked at his confused face, "My mom and my sister came and got my things today, while we were working, and took them back to my place."  
  
Jimmy had no idea what to say to that. "Why?" was all he could ask.  
  
"I really appreciate how you've taken care of me and Joey for the last couple months. I was in a really bad place and couldn't have made it without you. But I'm better now, and as much as I would like to stay, it's time for me to move on. Get back on my feet, you know?"  
  
Jimmy shook his head slightly, not believing what he was hearing. He, in his stupidity, had waited too long. "Kim, I don't want you to go," he admitted quietly.  
  
Tears flooded Kim's eyes, "I'll be o.k. I owe you so much for everything. I know how much you've had to give up for me and I just think it's time for both of us to get back to normal. It's better for us and better for Joey this way."  
  
"Kim, you don't owe me anything. And you're wrong. I never had to give up anything because of you. I wanted to take care of you, not because I felt like I had to, but because I wanted to. I still want to," Jimmy pleaded, grasping her hands tightly.  
  
Kim sniffed and smiled, "You're really sweet, but you need your life back. So do I."  
  
Jimmy shook his head, "Kim, this is the first time I've liked my life in a long time. I like all of us being together again."  
  
"It's just time to move on, Jimmy. Before things get to hard for everyone," Kim wiped the tears from her cheeks.  
  
"I think it's a little late for that." Jimmy looked down and their joined hands. "So, what happens with Joey? Did you already tell him?"  
  
"I told him I was gonna try staying at my place again. He's with my mom at my place right now. They were just cleaning and getting things in order. He seemed o.k." Kim gave him a watery smile.  
  
Jimmy raised his tortured eyes to look at her. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?"  
  
"I didn't really know. I just woke up this morning and knew that things needed to go back to the way they were before."  
  
Jimmy pulled his hands away, "Great, back to us hating each other and fighting all the time. Me never seeing Joey enough. How could you not miss that?," he asked sarcastically and stood up.  
  
Kim stood and gently touched his arm, " It won't be like that. I don't want to go back to that."  
  
Jimmy turned and cupped her face, "Than don't go. We can work things out the way it's been going," he tried to reason.  
  
The tears were now running freely down Kim's face and she laid her hands over his, "Jimmy, I have to. I can't do this anymore. It's getting too comfortable and too hard. It'll be better this way. I promise. You can see Joey as often as you like and we'll be on better terms."  
  
Jimmy sighed and rested his forehead against hers, eyes blurry with tears, " I don't want to lose you again, Kimmy."  
  
"You won't, I promise," Kim closed her eyes, then stepped away. "I should probably get going."  
  
"Don't suppose you're still interested in that dinner? Give me some more time to change your mind," Jimmy forced out a watery smile of his own.  
  
Kim laughed and wiped the tears from her face, "Maybe some other time. You've officially wiped out the last of my energy."  
  
"You need a ride home?" he asked, grasping at straws.  
  
"No thanks, I feel like walking tonight." Kim caught the worried expression on his face. "I'll be fine, Jimmy. If I need somebody, I'll call you, o.k.?"  
  
"Yeah," Jimmy smiled and watched her walk down stairs. He had officially blown it. Again. 


	14. Chapter 14 THE END!

Title: Back to You-chapter 14 Disclaimer: If you are smart enough to get that I don't own Third Watch, than I'm not gonna try to explain it. Author's Note: Well here it is people. The conclusion to this story. Sorry for the long wait, I have been feeling uninspired lately, but I guess I got my second wind. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to continue and a special thanks to crosserfan for giving me a kick in the ass and telling me to continue. I'm really flattered that you liked the story so much. I'll have you know though, that I stayed up all hours to finish this, so any bad grades I get in school, I blame on you!(  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
It had been a night from hell for Kim. She and Alex and dealt with numerous difficult patients, she was worried about Joey and how he would adjust, and she already missed Jimmy. There was no other choice though. Things just could not go on the way they were going. She was already way too confused about her feelings for Jimmy, and if she stayed, it would only get worse.  
  
Kim sat in the dim apartment in front of the television, staring blankly at the screen. She would get over this. She had to. And it's not like she hadn't gone through this similar thought process before. Jimmy would be really sweet and charming and she would be stupid and easy and sleep with him. The next morning, things were awkward, and both looked for a way out. Jimmy would move on to the next girl, leaving Kim to sort out her twisted thoughts. It really wasn't fair. Why couldn't she affect Jimmy nearly as much as he affected her?  
  
A knock at the door caused Kim to jump and pull herself out of her morbid thoughts. Her heart started to race. Fabulous. The first night back in her apartment by herself and someone had to cause her more trauma. Kim walked slowly to the door, debating whether or not to grab a knife from the kitchen, but deciding against it. She had to stay calm. "Who is it?" she asked cautiously.  
  
"It's Jimmy," he answered her. He could hear the worry in her voice.  
  
Kim rolled her eyes and unlocked the multitude of locks on her door. She wrenched the door open and glared at him. "Jimmy, you knew this was the first night in the apartment alone! You could have called first!"  
  
"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, Kim." He gave her the puppy dog look to emphasize his apology.  
  
Kim sighed and moved back to let him in the apartment. She closed the door and turned to look at him, crossing her arms in front of her, clearly conveying her annoyance. "Jimmy, it's 1:00 in the morning. What are you doing here?"  
  
Jimmy shrugged noncommittally and walked to the living room. "So, is Joey asleep?" he asked, blatantly avoiding the question.  
  
Kim shook her head in disbelief and followed him into the living room. He was acting like this was completely normal. "Joy has been asleep for many hours. I was just about to go to bed too." Kim hinted, hoping that would move him out the door. He really could not be here with her present mind frame.  
  
Jimmy sat and looked at her irritated stance. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets so she wouldn't see them shake. "I wasn't really tired tonight and thought I would come by and see if you were all settled," he said with a plastered smile on his face.  
  
Kim dropped the ice woman attitude, sighed, and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him. "Jimmy. It's really nice of you to worry about me and come make sure I'm o.k., but it's really unnecessary. I'm fine. Joey's fine. We're both going to be fine here."  
  
"Fine," Jimmy relented, looking at floor for direction.  
  
Kim smiled, leaned forward, and tilted her head to look him in the eye, "Why do I get the feeling that there's something else on your mind?"  
  
Jimmy's eyes darted to hers, "Why would you think that?"  
  
"Your mind looks like it's going a mile a minute and your excuse was really lame," Kim smiled.  
  
Jimmy chuckled, "Yeah, I didn't really have time to hone my excuse very much. Kinda just said the first thing that came to mind."  
  
"So, are you planning on telling me what is on your mind sometime tonight? Because, if you wanna think about it some more, I'm gonna go to bed and you can wake me when you think of it," she teased.  
  
Jimmy laughed and sat forward a little. "It's just that I'm not exactly sure how to say what I want to say. I'm not sure you're gonna want to hear it."  
  
"When has that ever stopped you before?" Kim chuckled.  
  
Jimmy looked in her eyes, knowing what she was joking about. He remembered when he sat her down and told her about sleeping with her sister. She definitely hadn't wanted to hear that, but he told her anyway, hoping they would be able to work things out. See how well that had worked.  
  
"Look, Jimmy, just say what's on your mind," Kim smiled softly. "I can handle it."  
  
Jimmy pulled his hands from his pockets and took hers. Kim looked at him in confusion. "You said that you and Joey were fine. Well, I'm not."  
  
Kim looked at him, fear creeping into her eyes, "You're not sick, are you?"  
  
Jimmy laughed, quickly controlling himself when he saw the worry in her features. "No, I'm not sick." Jimmy felt his stomach turn in a tight knot. "I'm not fine because I don't want you to leave."  
  
Kim sighed, "Jimmy, I know you said that you want to take care of me, but I don't want you to have to do that. I need to be able to stand on my own again. For myself and for Joey. Besides, you should be glad that I moved out. Living with your ex-wife and son are probably real turn-offs for your girlfriends," she forced out a smile. She was in no shape to have this conversation.  
  
"Kim, I sat in the station house for two hours, trying to process what you said to me. I sat there and tried to convince myself that you were right. That things were getting complicated and we needed to get on with our lives separately. I should have been ecstatic that you didn't need me anymore, right? That I didn't feel the need to take care of you anymore." Hurt flashed over Kim's expression and Jimmy set out to rectify that. "But I wasn't. All I could think about was how I didn't want to go home because I would miss you too much."  
  
Kim pulled her hands away from Jimmy and leaned away from him. What the hell was he saying. She had given him the perfect way out and he was looking for a way back in? That made absolutely no sense. "Jimmy, you have no idea what you're saying," Kim reasoned, feeling the tears spring to her eyes.  
  
"Yes, I do. For the first time in a long time, I know what I want," Jimmy pleaded with his eyes for her to understand.  
  
"Jimmy, you're confused. You got used to the way things were and I'm sorry. I know I stayed too long. I should have left a long time ago. You only feel the need to take care of me because you feel guilty," Kim choked out, trying to stay cool.  
  
"No. You're wrong. I thought that was why I felt that way too, but it's not. Maybe in the beginning I felt guilty, but that's not why now. Kim, being so close to you these last couple months has made me see how much I missed you."  
  
Kim stood up abruptly and moved away from Jimmy. She moved behind the coffee table, an attempt to put some distance between them. She looked at him, her expression full of hurt. "Stop," she pulled her arms around herself. "I want you to stop right now before you say something stupid."  
  
Jimmy stayed sitting, not wanting her to run away. "Kimmy, I know I've hurt you, but-"  
  
"Your damn right you hurt me!" she yelled. She looked at Joey's door, praying that she hadn't woken him up. She continued in a whisper, "You have hurt me so many times I've lost count! And you know what, it was my fault too, because I let you, but I am not going to let you do this to me. Not again," she whispered harshly.  
  
Jimmy stood and raised his hands in submission, "I know. I know I've hurt you and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I have to tell you this. Kim, when I didn't know if you were dead or alive that night at the hospital, I nearly lost my mind. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I need you in my life."  
  
"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Kim closed her eyes and covered her ears. "You cannot be saying this to me. I'll not let you say this to me!" Kim moved around the table and grabbed his arm and tried to pull him to the door, "I want you to leave right now! I don't want you here."  
  
Jimmy stood firm and shook off her angry hold easily. She had tears streaming out of her eyes and she was shaking like a leaf. He knew he should go and let her be, but he couldn't do it. Jimmy grabbed her flailing arms and held them tight. "Kim, I love you! I always have! I know I've been stupid and you have every right to hate me, but you have to know I love you. I love you so much," Jimmy choked out through tears.  
  
Kim wrenched herself away from him and pushed him away, almost causing him to lose balance. "No! You have no idea what love is, Jimmy Doherty! If you did, you wouldn't be doing this to me!" Kim finally lost control and slid to the floor in a heap. Through his tears, Jimmy sat next to her and pulled her body to his despite her weak efforts to fend him off. "Why do you always, always do this to me?" she whined pitifully.  
  
Jimmy held her close, feeling her resistance give and listening to her sobs. "I'm sorry, Kimmy, but you had to know," he tried to explain.  
  
Kim pulled away after a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing. "Why do you do this to me? You decide that you wanna be with me and I'm stupid enough to believe you. You make me fall in love with you, then you decide you don't want me. I can't do this again, Jimmy. I won't do this again," she cried.  
  
"I know I've been a bastard and I know I don't deserve you, but I'm begging you, Kim. Please. Give me another chance. I promise it'll be different this time," Jimmy begged, tears streaming down his face.  
  
"You promised me that before and you went off and married someone else! Remember that, Jimmy? Why should I believe you this time?" Kim asked, trying to regain her composure.  
  
"I need you, Kim. I need you in my life. It's better when you're in it. No one knows me like you do. I'm miserable without you. Please," he begged.  
  
"Jimmy, I'm in your life everyday. I promised you we could still be friends. Can't that be enough? Let's not do this dance again. It always ends the same way," Kim begged, wanting him to take his declaration of love back.  
  
"I don't want to be your friend." Jimmy stopped and closed his eyes, grimacing at the way that sounded. "That's not what I meant. I do want your friendship, but I want more. I always have. I know I had a shitty way of showing it, but it's true. Kim, I always wanted my life to be with you. Always."  
  
Tears streamed from Kim's eyes, but she felt a little more under control. This was insane. How could she actually consider being with him again after everything he had done? Kim dragged her self to the couch and slumped down, Jimmy following behind her. They sat next to each other in silence, Kim closing her eyes, trying to calm herself, Jimmy watching her intently.  
  
Kim opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to look at him. "Have you already given up on dating and decided that you would just go back to the old safety net, ex-wife?"  
  
Jimmy smiled softly, "No, I haven't given up on dating, but it seems these days that I'm only interested in one woman. Who happens to be my ex- wife," he added quickly.  
  
Kim laughed at the absurdity of this situation, "Jimmy, just give it some time. I promise you, you'll find somebody. That somebody isn't me though."  
  
Jimmy sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Kim, I tried dating. I desperately didn't want to be in love with you. I didn't want to go through this again. But you're the only thing that matters to me."  
  
"Telling a girl that you don't want to be in love with her isn't a very convincing argument," Kim glared at him.  
  
Jimmy laughed, "I meant I didn't want to in the beginning, but I realized it's the only thing that matters."  
  
"What is?," Kim asked carefully.  
  
Jimmy looked down at his hands, but forced himself to look her in the eyes, "Loving you."  
  
Kim's eyes filled again and she buried her face in her hands, "Oh shit! Why did you have to say that?"  
  
Jimmy smiled gently, "Because it's the truth." Jimmy pushed some hair away from her face and pulled her hands away. "Talk to me. Please," he begged.  
  
"I love you too," Kim admitted tearfully.  
  
Jimmy her a victory chant go off in his head. He had to really control himself as to not scream in triumph. Jimmy took a deep breath and tilted her head to look at him. He knew there had to be more she needed to say. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you leave?" he asked gently.  
  
"For the same reason you didn't say anything to me. I was scared. Things were getting confusing and my feelings for you were getting stronger and I didn't want that to happen again. It was hurting me and it was hurting Joey."  
  
"I don't want to hurt you anymore. If you'll give me a chance, I want to make everything up to you. I can't function without you, Kimmy. I need you." Jimmy cupped her face gently and leaned forward slowly, waiting for her to scream or push him away. All he saw was the doubt in her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to put her fears to rest. "I want to kiss you," he whispered, "but I won't if you don't want me to."  
  
Kim's eyes filled and blurred her vision, "I don't want you to," she whispered.  
  
Kim could she the hurt and pain that overtook his features. "Can you honestly tell me that you don't want to be with me?" he asked. "If you can tell me that, I'll go."  
  
Kim looked at him in fear, her hands wringing nervously in her lap. She knew that if she told him that she didn't want to be with him, it would be the biggest lie she'd ever told. "I'm scared," she forced out through tears.  
  
Jimmy's thumbs caressed her face and he kissed her on the forehead, "That's my fault. I'm sorry," he sighed.  
  
Kim pulled back and looked at him. She had never seen Jimmy this distraught over anything before. This couldn't possibly be just about getting her in to bed. Kim raised her shaky hands to his face and traced his lips. Slowly, she leaned forward and gently put her lips on his. She could feel his body shaking and moved her arms around his shoulders. His hands moved to her back, holding her close to him, but letting her set the pace. Kim pulled away first and looked at him with wide eyes.  
  
"You o.k.?" he asked, afraid of the answer.  
  
Kim looked and him in confusion, still trying to comprehend the whole thing. Her ex-husband, who she had been harboring strong feeling for and trying to keep them a secret, was once again in love with her. "Oh god!" Kim covered her face and leaned back against the couch again.  
  
Jimmy panicked, thinking she had regretted the kiss. "Kim, I'm sorry. I didn't-"  
  
"This is insane! I can't believe I'm doing this to myself again. My head knows how this is gonna end and somehow that doesn't seem to matter to my heart." She looked at Jimmy through her fingers, "Wanna tell me why that is?"  
  
Jimmy smiled, feeling a little hope. He pulled her hands away from her face again and held them. "What is your heart telling you?," he asked.  
  
"Jimmy, I absolutely cannot do this again. There's only so many times a person can handle this," she said.  
  
Jimmy got down on the floor and knelt in front of her. "I promise Kim. If you give me a chance, it'll be different this time," Jimmy promised.  
  
"How do you know that," she asked wearily.  
  
"Because. I can't lose you again," he said. "Please, Kim. Give me a chance," he begged.  
  
Kim leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "I'm gonna regret this. I just know it," she sighed.  
  
Jimmy smiled and looked up at her, "What are you saying?"  
  
"What does it sound like I'm saying?" she smiled softly.  
  
Jimmy sat back on the couch and looked at her closely, "Kim, please don't make me guess. I'd hate to be wrong."  
  
Kim sighed and looked at him, "I love you. I want to try again," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and kissed her hard. His tongue begged entrance into her mouth and she complied. Their hands were all over each, both making sure that this was really happening.  
  
Kim finally pulled back long moments later and looked at his heated expression. "I'm not sleeping with you," she informed him.  
  
Jimmy's eyebrows shot up, "Ever?" he chuckled and kissed the side of her neck.  
  
Kim pushed him away half-heartedly, "Jimmy, I mean it. Not gonna happen," she smiled at his persistence.  
  
Jimmy pulled back and sighed, "Alright, fine. Keep me in a permanent state of frustration," he pouted.  
  
Kim smiled and stood up. She locked eyes with him and leaned over him to kiss him. Jimmy was about to pull her onto his lap when she backed away, took his hand and pulled. "Tease," he smirked.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," she smiled and pulled him to stand. Once up, he pulled her to him and kissed her again. "Mmm.no, no, no," she murmured and pulled him to the door.  
  
"Are you kicking me out?" Jimmy smiled and held her close.  
  
"I wanna do this right for once. You should go before you make me break my rule," she smiled and kissed him.  
  
Jimmy looked at her seriously, "Are you sure you'll be o.k. here by yourself? Maybe you should call your mom or something."  
  
"I'll be fine. If I get scared, I promise I'll call," Kim promised. She opened the door and Jimmy stepped outside. "Remind me why we're doing this?" Kim asked teasingly.  
  
"Well, I would but it would involve breaking the rule," Jimmy leaned against the doorframe and smiled flirtatiously.  
  
Kim rolled her eyes and smiled, "Goodnight, Jimmy."  
  
Jimmy smiled, "See you tomorrow?"  
  
Kim kissed him and smiled, "Can't wait." She closed the door and leaned against it, hearing Jimmy say, "Me either" an walk away. She smiled to herself. Yeah.This was going to be interesting.  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Love it? Good. Hate it? To bad. Want a sequel? Let me know! 


End file.
